Stage Two: #HelluvaFnXmas – 12/12/15 – Tremont Music Hall – Charlotte, NC
The HoliCraze Hell TOURnament continues in Charlotte, NC with Helluva F’nXmas! Stage 2 will be a true test of how extreme & innovative the remaining participants are. All Semi-Finalists will be gifted ONE(1) weapon at random by Vaughn Ronie Jr.; with the option of saving their gift for the finals, should they advance.
This year’s Helluva F’nXmas will also see the introduction of F’nXmas stockings on the ring posts! What these F’nXmas Stockings contain is a complete mystery!
Semi-Finalists are also encouraged to use their surroundings. We here at Ronie’s Rasslin’ Services are of the belief that those that are true legends of extreme don’t just utilize predesignated weapons, but their environment as well.
Who will advance to …And a Violent New Year!! and the randomly selected close quarters match in the finals? Find out soon, as Helluva F’nXmas starts… NOW!!
Main Event: Stage 2 – F’nX Rules
Mystery Tag Team Showcase
Stage 2: F’nX Rules
WARPED Evolution Championship
Stage Two: #HelluvaFnXmas – 12/11/15 – Tremont Music Hall – Charlotte, NC
|The FBI Anti-Piracy WARNING fades away; that’s right we’re LIVE on Pay-Per-View! “Pogo” by Digitalism plays as the WARPED Wrestling logo floats down from the top to the center of the screen. Soon thereafter a fist smashes through the WARPED logo; opening up to reveal the Ronie’s Rasslin’ Services Logo in the palm.|
A handheld camera rotates in the center of the ring to show a packed Tremont Music Hall. The fans have clearly already taken advantage of the drink specials and are ready for some F’nX action! Now focusing on the stage of Tremont the hand cam shows that it has been designated for VIP Patrons and the Christmas themed entrance way.
The hard cam focuses on a ring post showing one of four F’nXmas Stockings with Patrick Kay scrawled in sequins. Finally, the hand cam focuses on the commentary table to show Dylan Daniels; adorned in a bright red Christmas themed sport coat.
Dylan Daniels: “Welcome to Stage Two of the HoliCraze Hell TOURnament: Helluva F’nXmas, ladies and gentlemen! I’m Dylan Daniels and filling in for Mr. Rottentreats for this match is none other than the inaugural HoliCraze Hell TOURnament Champion and current semi-finalist, Johnny Raike.“
The American Wet Dream once again adorned in an ugly christmas sweater, this one encouraging the viewer to “Make the Yuletide Gay.” A red santa hat can just barely be seen over the announce table, in front of an image of Jesus..
Johnny Raike: “Excited to be here double D, been waiting for this since last Christmas, and you know with Treats and GRENDEL this will be intense. For those playing along at home, I’ll be drinking from my flask on every moment of horrifyingly personal violence. Or until the flask is empty, even odds.”
An intense feedback screeches over the PA system as fog fills the stage of Tremont Music Hall and surrounds the ring; the lights die down. Stage lights begin to pulse in time with the bass of Faith No More’s cover of “War Pigs”. A large spotlight backlights the entrance way outlining the silhouette of a giant.
Dylan Daniels:“Johnny it looks like we’re getting right into the action tonight!”
Johnny Raike: “Hell yeah we are. And listen to these hicks yelling their poorly educated heads off, they are ready for this.”
The legendary guitar riff triggers the backlit entrance and stage lights to alternate. The giant steps out into the stage lights as two direct themselves to the entrance way; revealing the giant to be GRENDEL. The Behemoth begins running his mouth as he raises the stolen WARPED Evolution Championship belt in the air. The crowd berates him as he crosses the walkway to the ring.
Dylan Daniels: “Despite GRENDEL being the first ever Evolution Champion in WARPED history and the first three time Evolution champion as well. He’s in possession of stolen goods, Johnny!”
Johnny Raike: “They say possession is nine tenths of the law, but I’m guessing Treats doesn’t agree. Also, remind me I need to call my lawyer this week.”
GRENDEL steps over the top rope; tossing the WARPED Evolution Championship at the referee. Making his way to his corner, he continues to draw the ire of the fans in attendance.
Dylan Daniels: “Such disrespect being shown here tonight in the center of Tremont Music Hall by GRENDEL.
Johnny Raike: “You never throw a belt, that’s just low class. Though, with all that muscle, I’m not sure if GRENDEL has room for any class”
Julius Fucik’s “Entry Of The Gladiators” quickly draws GRENDEL’s attention to the entry way; as two spotlights dance about the inside of Tremont Music Hall. The music slowly becomes distorted and the lights die out; followed by a record scratch. Insane Clown Posse’s “In Yo Face” kicks in and a majority of the crowd shouts along with the song.
IN YO FACE!!
Dylan Daniels: “Listen to that crowd! I know you’ve badmouthed the rednecks in the southeast. I’m also not saying these type of people are any better than rednecks, but it sounds to me like there is a heavy Juggalo contingency in the audience tonight, Johnny!”
Johnny Raike: “It’s contingent. Contingency is a plan. But they are on fire for this match and for their favorite clown tonight. Even a broken clock is right twice a day, as the saying goes.”
A spot light points out Mr. Rottentreats in the crowd amidst a crew of painted faces; chugging a Candy Apple Faygo and flipping GRENDEL off. The crew in the crowd bounce to “In Yo Face” by Insane Clown Posse along with Mr. Rottentreats. Treats reaches down and unties something from his waistband.
Dylan Daniels: “Could it be?! Is it the return of the…”
Johnny Raike: “...the great white hype?”
Treats slowly raises an orange and white striped drawstring bag into the air; much to the chagrin of GRENDEL. GRENDEL points it out to the ref; who informs him that the bell hasn’t even rung yet.
Dylan Daniels: “BAG OF TREATS! There’s no telling what he has in there, Johnny!”
Johnny Raike: “Ah, shit! This is gonna be sweet!”
Unwrapping the drawstring with a smile; Treats descends the bleachers and walks through the crowd. When he reaches the front row he steps up on a chair and poses much like Captain Morgan with help from the guardrail; singing along with the music. He retrieves a can of Faygo Red Pop from his Bag of Treats and begins smashing it against his head; it’s hard to tell whether the red trickling down his face is blood or Faygo. GRENDEL doesn’t seem too amused and demands Treats enters the ring.
Dylan Daniels: “I know he loves playing mind games, Johnny. But, I don’t think it’s too wise to get under GRENDEL’s skin so quickly.”
Johnny Raike: “See, I’ve never agreed with that. Get in their head early, stake out some prime real estate, and it’s all yours for the taking. Treats knows what he’s doing, give your nephew some credit.”
Treats hops the guardrail and scales the nearest ringpost; Bag Of Treats in tow. Pointing down; he motions to Johnny Raike and Dylan Daniels to offer them Faygo.
Dylan Daniels: “Candy Apple, please! It matches the jacket.”
Johnny Raike: “Oh honey, my extra calorie allotment goes to booze. Speaking of…”
Johnny salutes Treats with a drink from the flask, then holds it out to Rottentreats. Treats obliges Dylan Daniels’ request; tossing him a 24oz Candy Apple Faygo. Treats cracks a Candy Apple Faygo for himself and returns the toast to Johnny Raike. GRENDEL charges and the referee bravely steps in the behemoth’s way informing him to get back into his corner. While GRENDEL argues with the referee Treats retrieves a 2 Liter of Faygo Cola; shaking it up. The crowd buzzes in anticipation. Treats launches the 2 liter in GRENDEL’s direction; GRENDEL punches the Faygo out of the air. Treats hops down into his corner and slides the Bag Of Treats out of the ring to the commentary table.
Dylan Daniels: “It’s not just because I’m his uncle, but I’ve got goosebumps, Johnny!”
Johnny Raike: “I know what you mean Dyl, I’m ready for this, the crowd is acting like we promised them all section eight vouchers, it is time.”
Dylan Daniels: “Take it away, ART!”
Art Burns: “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to HoliCraze Hell TOURnament: STAGE TWOOO, Helluva FUUUCKIIIN’ Xmas! The opening contest is an officially sanctioned WARPED Evolution Championship bout and is scheduled for one fall, with NO COUNT OUTS!! Introducing first, in the corner to my right!”
GRENDEL is simmering in his corner as legendary Mid-Atlantic Ring Announcer Art Burns points to him.
Art Burns: “Standing at an incredible Six Feet, Nine Inches and weighing in this morning at an astonishing four hundred pounds! Hailing from Columbus, Ooooohiiiooo! The challenger! GREEEEENDEEELLL!”
The crowd immediately starts a throwback chant of TALL GUY GRUN-DY; GRENDEL grows livid!
Dylan Daniels: “Talk about a blast from the past for the former TG Grundy. I still don’t understand why that pisses him off.”
Johnny Raike: “He’s from Ohio. I think that’s reason enough to be angry at everything.
Art Burns: “And in the corner to my left! He hails from the Carnival Grounds by way of Charlotte, North Carolina!!!”
The crowd erupts with the cheapest of pops for the mention of Charlotte.
Art Burns: “The current, reigning and defending WARPED Evolution Champion! Standing at Six-Feet Three Inches, he weighed in this morning at Two-Hundred Twenty pounds! The Queen City Jester!”
Dylan Daniels: “That’s a new one!”
Art Burns: “The Pagliacci of Professional Wrestling, The Wicked Clown Of WARPED, THE WHOLE FUUUUCKIIIING SIIIIIDESHOOOW!!”
Dylan Daniels: “Cool it, Art! My mother watches these shows!”
Johnny Raike: “She’s raised a group of Ronie’s, I’m sure she’s done more swearing than the rest of us combined.
Art Burns: “He is! MIIIIIIISTTEERRRRRR ROTTENTREEEEEAAATS!!!”
Crowd: “FUCK HIM UP TREATS!! FUCK HIM UP!!! WHOOP WHOOP!!”
Dylan Daniels: “This crowd seems to have gotten into the Juggalo Juice here early!”
Johnny Raike: “Probably shouldn’t be selling Redbull and Vodka for $3.50 a piece. But I say go for it, let’s get loud.”
Dylan Daniels: “And there’s the bell, Johnny!”
At the sound of the bell both combatants charge the center of the ring; wasting no time with a snug lock up. GRENDEL overpowers Treats and backs him into the corner.
Treats pie faces GRENDEL in an attempt to shove him away.
Dylan Daniels: “GRENDEL needs to use his brain instead of brawn, these Ronie’s Rasslin’ Services referees don’t take any shit, Johnny.”
Johnny Raike: “That they do not. It’s only my deep and abiding respect for the job they do that keeps me from going upside their heads after matches.”
Johnny Raike: “Well, that and Vaughn has informed me it’s one of like three things that will actually get me fired.”
GRENDEL backs away just as the referee begins to say five; Treats shouts “THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT YA BIG BITCH!” GRENDEL drops Treats in the corner with a stiff back elbow! The referee jumps in between the two; Treats downed and clutching his jaw in the corner. GRENDEL saunters around the ring surveying the crowd “What do you think of your clownboy now?!”
Dylan Daniels: “GRENDEL is showing off his power and viciousness in the early goings here, Johnny. It’s not looking too good for Mr. Rottentreats.
Johnny Raike: “Maybe, maybe not. Sometimes to play the mind game you have to take a few hits. Speaking of…”
Treats pulls himself to his feet; shaking off the cobwebs. GRENDEL motions for a lock up; the crowd begins a “YOU CAN’T WRESTLE!” chant. GRENDEL responds with a “YES, I CAN!” Treats is quick with a reply, “Nah, bitch. Ya can’t!” The crowd let’s out an “OOOOO!!” GRENDEL smirks and both men meet up in the center of the ring again; locking up with a collar and elbow tie up. Treats attempts to transition into a hammerlock; GRENDEL blocks it. GRENDEL counters with a spinning wrist lock; driving his giant boot into the back of Treats’ knee and bringing the clown to a knee. GRENDEL applies serious pressure on the left shoulder of the downed Treats; nearly ripping his arm out of its socket.
Dylan Daniels: “GRENDEL is looking to prove that he can hang with Mr. Rottentreats. Whether most in the business want to admit it, or not. Treats is one of the finest technical wrestlers in the world today!”
Johnny Raike: “And proving there is a brain under all that hair, we all know JB has a bad history with that arm. Still, he’s a crafty one, I’m betting he gets out of this.”
Treats attempts to fight up and turn into the hold. GRENDEL stops Treats in his tracks with a stiff shoulder block that drops the clown to the canvas. Sitting up and writhing; Treats attempts to pull his arm away from GRENDEL. GRENDEL delivers a clubbing blow to the left shoulder of Treats; then drives the clown’s shoulder into the canvas with a knee drop!
Dylan Daniels: “That’s a four hundred pound knee drop onto that previously injured shoulder, Johnny!”
Johnny Raike: “Treats has to get back in control of this, change the pace. If you let GRENDEL fight at his pace, you lose. That goes for just about anyone in this business.”
GRENDEL launches his legs into the air and drives his knees back down onto the arm of Treats. GRENDEL dusts his hands; allowing Treats to clutch his arm. GRENDEL quickly rolls Treats to his back to perform a lateral press; driving his forearm across the bridge of Treats’ nose.
GRENDEL applies the wrist lock again; driving his huge elbow into the shoulder of Treats.
Dylan Daniels: “I’ve got to hand it to GRENDEL, he’s staying on that bad shoulder of Treats’”
Johnny Raike: “Simple but effective. Much like GRENDEL.”
Treats reaches up to alleviate some pressure; GRENDEL quickly jerks Treats to his feet. Treats winces in pain; then fires off a flurry of overhand chops with his free hand. GRENDEL doesn’t budge and refuses to relinquish the hold; instead launching Treats up and over with a vicious Japanese Arm Drag. Treats rolls into the corner; clutching his shoulder.
Dylan Daniels: “Whether his motivation is the Evolution Championship, or avenging his loss to Treats from four years ago, GRENDEL is more hungry than I’ve ever seen him before, Johnny.”
Johnny Raike: “WARPED gold on the line for this, a belt that means something to both men in that ring. He should be hungry. Me, I’m usually just thirsty.”
Dylan Daniels: “...Speaking of?”
Johnny Raike: “Yup.”
Treats pulls himself to his feet. GRENDEL keeps him in the corner with a flurry of vicious Palm Strikes; Treats attempts to cover up.
Treats fires back with an overhand chop to the chest of GRENDEL; GRENDEL smirks.
Dylan Daniels: “Mr. Rottentreats’ chop has no effect on the behemoth GRENDEL.”
Johnny Raike: “That’s what he wants you to think. No one is immune to pain, though some are resistant.”
GRENDEL delivers a barrage of heavy fists to Treats.
GRENDEL launches Treats into the opposite corner with an Irish Whip; Treats crashes into the turnbuckles back first and nearly crumples. GRENDEL motions for Treats to get to his feet; yelling “GET THE FUCK UP, BOZO!!!” Treats bows; grasping at his back.
Dylan Daniels: “GRENDEL is just picking Mr. Rottentreats apart here tonight, Johnny.”
Johnny Raike: “More than I was expecting. If this is a con, than Treats is playing the long game, but the genetic mistake in that ring doesn’t seem interested in making this a forty-five minute mat classic. Got to get into this JB, don’t make me boo you.”
Treats pulls himself up in the corner as GRENDEL advances. Treats somehow manages to roll out of the way of a corner splash by GRENDEL. GRENDEL’s head hits the ring post! Treats applies a waist lock and somehow rolls GRENDEL up with an O’Connor Roll!
ON-GRENDEL raises his shoulder.
Dylan Daniels: “It’s going to take more than an O’Connor Roll to put GRENDEL away!”
Treats grabs the arm that was raised by GRENDEL and begins stomping away at it; pausing occasionally to massage his own shoulder.
Johnny Raike: “That wasn’t about putting him away, that was about momentum and control. Now me, I’d get the hell out of dodge for a moment, but we’ll see what Treats does. Maybe not the best idea to let GRENDEL up.”
GRENDEL fights to a knee; despite the flurry of stomps to his shoulder. Treats elbows the shoulder of GRENDEL; then drives his own shoulder into GRENDEL’s. Treats’ relinquishes the wrist lock; after causing pain to his own shoulder. Treats shakes off the pain and rebounds off the ropes; GRENDEL rises to his feet. On his return Treats attempts a flying arm breaker; GRENDEL counters and drives Treats to the canvas with a side slam!
Dylan Daniels: “Vicious Ura-Nage by GRENDEL!”
Johnny Raike: “Whew! That was pretty. Not for JB, he hated that I’m sure, but damn.”
GRENDEL once again brushes his hands; signaling that it’s over. The giant hooks a leg of the clown; once again driving his forearm across the bridge of Treats’ nose for a pin attempt.
Dylan Daniels: “GRENDEL probably would have had him, if he hadn’t wasted his time taunting him, Johnny.”
Johnny Raike: “We’ll never know for sure, but let’s not forget, this is personal, this is for gold, neither of these men are going down easy. Maybe if we get them drunk first. Hey, speaking of..”
A fan tosses a beer into the ring; nailing GRENDEL right in the face! GRENDEL rolls out of the ring to confront the beer throwing fan; beer dripping from his beard.
Dylan Daniels: “Remember, by decree of WARPED owner Joey Matthew, there are no-countouts in this bout!”
Johnny Raike: “There had better be throw outs. Someone get that beer tossing prick the fuck out of this arena. I may sympathize, but I don’t come to the chain gang and throw shit at you.”
The crowd starts up a ROT-TEN TREATS chant; GRENDEL still at ringside berating the beer tossing patron. Treats begins to stir in the ring; rolling out to the ring apron. Drawing energy from the pro-clown crowd; Treats slowly ascends the top rope.
Dylan Daniels: “What the hell is he thinking?”
Treats begins to Tight Rope Walk the top rope.
Johnny Raike: “I’ve seen this end real bad for our boy up there. Where’s a please don’t die chant when you need it?”
GRENDEL grows bored of berating the fan and turns to the ring.
Dylan Daniels: “AIR ROTTENTREATS!!”
Mr. Rottentreats lands on the shoulders of GRENDEL and sends him over the guardrail with a huricanrana! The crowds erupts!
Dylan Daniels: “Tight Rope ROTTEN RANA!!”
Johnny Raike: “Woo! Fuck yes! That was amazing, and that’s gonna take something out of GRENDEL. And with any luck, he landed on that beer throwing jackass.”
A fan offers up his chair for Treats in appreciation. Treats obliges; taking a seat. GRENDEL rises to his knees; swatting fans away. Treats removes his right elbow pad. The clown introduces GRENDEL to his bare elbow; GRENDEL rocks back. Treats is met with stiff punch to the face; as he shakes off the stinger in his elbow. The clown goes flying out of his chair, but rushes back to the attack. GRENDEL rises to a knee and hauls off with a hay maker; Treats ducks. Treats uncharacteristically head butts GRENDEL; dazing himself. Treats accepts a Juggalo Juice(Faygo & Vodka) from a nearby fan; then takes a drink and spits in GRENDEL’s face!
Dylan Daniels: “Vodka and Grape Faygo! That has got to sting the giant’s eyes, Johnny.”
Johnny Raike: “As well as making him look like he just blew Barney.”
GRENDEL shoves Treats; causing Treats and the chair to slide on the concrete. Treats jumps out of the chair and darts toward GRENDEL attempting a Shining Wizard. GRENDEL catches Treats and drives the clown down into the chair with an Elevated Power-Bomb; sending chair shrapnel flying!
Dylan Daniels: “Monster Bomb! If there were count outs in this bout, that would surely secure a count out victory for GRENDEL.”
Johnny Raike: “Wonder what Joey Matthew thinks of his stip now. Better get him back in the ring, big man.”
GRENDEL wipes the Vodka & Faygo mixture from his face; before stealing a beer from a nearby fan. The behemoth chugs it quickly; before wiping his lips. GRENDEL turns his attention to the clown; lifting him up by the neck and tossing him over the guard rail. Treats rolls across the protective mat and tries to lift himself up with help from the ring skirt. GRENDEL steps over the guardrail; shouting “NEED SOME HELP, BOZO?!” GRENDEL rolls Treats into the ring and slides in behind him; covering him with a lateral press. The referee points out that GRENDEL’s feet are in the ropes. GRENDEL begins to argue with the referee; attempting to force him to make the count. Treats attempts to stand up; stumbling into the center of the ring.
Dylan Daniels: “That Rotten Rana must have taken a bit of steam out of GRENDEL, he didn’t use quite enough power when rolling Mr. Rottentreats back into the ring, Johnny.”
Johnny Raike: “He’s been knocked around a good bit in these last few minutes. Enough that he’s arguing with the ref. Betcha that won’t end well.”
The crowd swells in support of Treats. GRENDEL tells the crowd to shut up; they grow louder. Treats has managed to make it to the opposite side of the ring and begins pulling himself to his feet. GRENDEL stalks Treats; then launches him across the ring with an Irish Whip. GRENDEL attempts to behead Treats with a Lariat; Treats ducks!
Dylan Daniels: “GRENDEL nearly caught him with that Monster Lariat, Johnny!”
Treats launches himself backward into the air; spring boarding off the middle rope. The clown lands on the charging GRENDEL’s shoulders once more and attempts to turn! GRENDEL puts the brakes on the rana attempt. GRENDEL lifts the clown up by the arms and carries him across the ring; Treats attempts to hop out of the precarious position. GRENDEL catches Treats by the arms.
Dylan Daniels: “OH SHIT!”
Johnny Raike: “Someones gonna die!”
GRENDEL launches the clown over the top rope and through the announce table at ringside; Dylan Daniels and Johnny Raike move just in time!
Dylan Daniels: “Testing, testing.”
Johnny Raike: “Fuck! That was close. He almost got my flask. Which reminds me...”
Dylan Daniels: “I need a drink after that. Hand it over.”
The crowd erupts with a “HO-LY SHIT!” chant. GRENDEL admires his vicious handy work and begins taunting the crowd; motioning that the WARPED Evolution Championship will soon be his. GRENDEL steps over the top rope to the apron; miming crying as he points out Treats’ fans in the front row.
Dylan Daniels: “GRENDEL doesn’t seem too concerned with winning now. He’s taking his sweet time getting Mr. Rottentreats back into the ring.”
Johnny Raike: “Probably feels like he’s got all the time in the world after that. I’ve been there, but when it’s not you in the ring, real easy to see that he shouldn’t be wasting time.”
GRENDEL drops to ringside and begins paint brushing a prone Treats. The crowd begins shouting obscenities at the behemoth; enraging him. The enraged GRENDEL’s paintbrushes become more violent; shouting “COME ON, CLOWN!” GRENDEL reaches down and pulls Treats to his knees by the neck. Treats breaks GRENDEL’s nonchalant grip; then pulls himself up with help from GRENDEL’s beard. GRENDEL clobbers Treats with a forearm to the side of the head; then tosses him back into the ring. Treats attempts to stand; stumbling to the opposite ropes.
Dylan Daniels: “I’m not sure how much more punishment Mr. Rottentreats can take from the giant GRENDEL, Johnny. He seems to be out of it.”
Johnny Raike: “If there’s one thing Treats knows, it’s how to handle yourself when you can’t see straight, your head hurts, and everything is way too loud. Let’s keep watching.”
Treats falls to the canvas; his back against the ropes. He motions for GRENDEL to get back in the ring; shouting “COME ON, YA BIG BITCH!”
Dylan Daniels: “I guess I have my answer, he’s begging for more!”
Johnny Raike: “Like I said, battered and blurry is a just a normal Tuesday night for the Pagliacci. He’s champ for a reason, count outs or no.”
Treats struggles to pull himself to his feet; draping himself on the middle rope. GRENDEL pulls himself to the apron with a sadistic grin. Treats pulls himself to his feet with help from the top rope; the crowd erupts in cheers for Treats. GRENDEL steps over the top rope; then leans back into the ropes for momentum. Treats ducks a lariat both men meet in the center; Treats pivots. Treats rebounds off the perpendicular ropes; GRENDEL’s momentum causing both men to Criss-Cross the ring.
Dylan Daniels: “Is he about to inform us of who the foot is, bitch?”
Johnny Raike: “He’d better, it’s a question I’m dying to have answered. Bet GRENDEL doesn’t want to know.”
Treats attempts the Big Boot; but GRENDEL rolls under it then leaps to the top rope!
Johnny Raike: “Holy shit, he can do that!?”
The top rope snaps on impact; GRENDEL crashes hard onto the canvas! Treats falls to a knee; after exerting most of his energy.
Johnny Raike: “Maybe not. Fuck, I need a smoke after that”
Dylan Daniels: “GRENDEL showing great agility, but the top rope just snapped on that springboard attempt from the giant!”
Johnny Raike: “Hell of an opening, but Treats has to make something of it. Don’t give the Tall Guy a chance to get back to his feet. Got a lighter on you, this thing won’t light itself.”
Dylan Daniels: “Here, have at it.”
Treats begins smacking the mat in unison with the crowd’s claps; firing up.
Dylan Daniels: “He’s firing up! Speaking of.. Something smells great!”
Johnny Raike: “Yes, that’s that safe, legal tobacco I enjoy so much. Do me a favor, look behind you for a moment.”
With a quick flick of the wrist, Johnny sends a blunt like a torpedo toward Mr. Rottentreats.
Dylan Daniels: “Of the Iranian persuasion I assume.”
Johnny Raike: “India, I think.”
Mr. Rottentreats puts the blunt to his painted lips and inhales two long drags; before tossing the blunt back to Johnny Raike. With a renewed energy Treats begins vigorously stomping every inch of GRENDEL; pausing between stomps to clutch his neck.
Dylan Daniels: “Magic Blunt fueled Rotten Stomp!”
Johnny Raike: “Puff puff pass!”
Treats ends the series of limb stomps with a spinning boot scrape!
Johnny Raike: “Love that move, it hurts like a bitch, it get’s into your head, and it shows the world just how in control you are. Nothing not to like there.”
GRENDEL sits up favoring his nose. Treats takes the opportunity and fishhooks the giant’s nose; yelling enthusiastically “GOT YOUR NOSE!!!” Treats pulls GRENDEL up to his feet; with help from the giant’s own nostrils and hooks the near leg.
Dylan Daniels: “Is he? GRENDEL is too damn big to lift up for the Cradled Belly to Back Brain Buster!”
Johnny Raike: “Don’t tell him that, cause Treats is gonna try.”
GRENDEL reaches for the middle rope to block the maneuver. Raike tosses an empty Faygo bottle into the ring; distracting the referee.
Dylan Daniels: “What the.. Joey?”
WARPED Owner Joey Matthew hops the guardrail and knocks GRENDEL’s grip loose! Treats musters all of his strength and uses the momentum of GRENDEL releasing the middle rope to drive GRENDEL head and neck first into the canvas with the Cradled Belly To Back Brainbuster; folding the monster up!
Dylan Daniels: “BLAAAAAAM!!! That’s how he put him away in their first meeting, Johnny! Minus the assist from WARPED Owner Joey Matthew, of course.”
Treats bridges up for the pin attempt; Joey Matthew disappears into the audience. The crowd counts with the referee!
Johnny Raike: “Good chance of being how he puts him away tonight, but I’ll never call GRENDEL beat unless he’s dead!”
Art Burns: “Your winner! And STILL the reigning WARPED Evolution Champeeeen! THE WHOLE FUUUUCKIN’ SIDESHOOOOW!! MIIIIIISTEEERR ROTTEEENTREEEAATS!!”
“In Yo Face” by Insane Clown Posse blasts over the PA. Johnny Raike scoops up the WARPED Evolution Championship belt and pulls Treats out of the ring; handing him the belt in the process. Raike assists Treats to the Christmas themed archway, trading the flask and the blunt back and forth.
“Gimme Three Steps” by Lynyrd Skynyrd cuts through the raucous crowd inside Tremont Music Hall. The lights on the Christmas themed archway begin dancing in time. Before Johnny Raike can assist Mr. Rottentreats to the back; Vaughn Ronie Jr. splits the curtain with a mocking round of applause; occasionally adjusting the loose Santa hat atop his head. Mr. Rottentreats scowls through his smeared clown paint; as the RRS founder makes his way to the ring.
Dylan Daniels: “Despite the outcome, Vaughn Ronie Jr. seems quite pleased with the aftermath of the WARPED Evolution Championship brawl we just witnessed between Mr. Rottentreats and GRENDEL. Despicable, that’s his own brother.”
VRJ wipes the bottom of his Santa-like boots on the ring apron. He nearly trips over the middle rope when the crowd erupts in a “FUCK YOU, RONNIE!” chant. Vaughn Ronie Jr. regains his composure rather quickly; adjusting his Santa hat. An annoyed look on his face; the founder of Ronie’s Rasslin’ Services taps on his lapel. The music cuts off; as VRJ annoyingly clears his throat.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “First of all..”
The “FUCK YOU RONNIE!” chants grow louder; VRJ taps the lapel microphone once more.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “I saaaaiiiid.. First of all..”
Tremont is lit up with “FUCK YOU RONNIE!” chants. A picture-in-picture pop-up in the lower left corner of the screen shows that the patrons viewing the live feed on The Casbah stage are joining in.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “It’s ROW-KNEE! Not, Ronnie! And if you don’t stop chanting that..”
A beer hits VRJ in the side of the head; surprisingly he just wipes the beer off and continues.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “I’ll forgive you… Because, I’m in the Christmas spirit. It’s coursing through my veins and what not...”
Vaughn’s frustration grows quite clear as his voice fades. He decides to continue after a brief pause; realizing the crowd isn’t going to stop their chant.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “I suppose you don’t want me to make Stage two of the Holicraze Hell TOURnament a little more Fuckin’ Extreeeeem-aaah?! Do ya?”
The chants slowly begin to die down.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Oh, ya do?”
Vaughn notices the crowd starting to pay attention; then smirks.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Since GRENDEL all of a sudden decided he was a cruiserweight and snapped the top rope. I’ve got to replace it with something, right?”
VRJ grins as a squad of men in Ronie’s Rasslin Services STAFF shirts swarm the ring and detach the remaining turn buckles.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “So, gentlemen.. If you weeeel.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr. darts from the ring grinning ear-to-ear; to take a seat beside Dylan Daniels at the newly furnished commentary table. The camera shot between Dylan Daniels & Vaughn Ronie Jr. shows the ring crew replacing the top rope with several strands of barbwire; resembling the thickness of a ring rope.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: ”Am I a genius, or what? They’re going to love it, aren’t they?!”
Dylan Daniels: “Depending on their outlook, this is great news for the HoliCraze Hell combatants. Not entirely sure how this will affect the Mystery Tag Team Showcase match.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Don’t you worry about that, Dylan. It’s time for Stage Two! Let’s get Fuckin’ Extreeem-aaah!”
Dylan Daniels: “Before we do that, I’m geting word from the truck that we’ve got exclusive footage from earlier today!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Roll that beautiful bean footage!”
The picture slowly focuses to a low view of Jason Richards walking past the main bar of the Tremont Music Hall. The Strong Style Wolf passes through the archway into the main room of Tremont; observing the staff set up for the evening’s festivities. The footage switches quickly from floor, to ceiling, back to the floor again; this time catching the glimpse of a white steel toed boot with purple polka dots painted on it. Jason Richards is back in focus once more.
Jason Richards: “What a dump..”
A voice from behind the camera speaks, beginning in a serious manner; then ending with a jovial clown-like accent.
Jovial Voice: “Just wait until we finish with her tonight, ‘ol buddy, ‘ol pal!!”
Richards’ chin drops to his chest immediately recognizing the exaggerated voice.
Jason Richards: “What do you want Treats?”
The camera shows us the floor of Tremont; purple polka dot boots alternating in and out of the frame.
Mr. Rottentreats: “Fret NOT, my regal beagle!”
The side of Jason Richards’ face quickly enters and leaves the frame; a white gloved hand points out the Christmas trees on stage.
Jason Richards: “Get the fuck off of me, weirdo!”
The footage jostles; Jason Richards palm is suddenly a permanent fixture in the frame.
Mr. Rottentreats: “I get it! You’re not a big fan of hugs!”
Jason Richards: “..not when those hugs are being given by a clown with a GoPro Camera attached to his head!”
Mr. Rottentreats chuckles loudly.
Mr. Rottentreats: “O.k. How about this? Tradesies?!”
Richard’s intrigued voice responds.
Jason Richards: “I’m listening..”
Mr. Rottentreats: “How’s about I give you your F’nXmas stocking early. After all, it’ll be kind of hard to put them on when you’re covered in sweat and blood, and Pat’s Tears.”
The GoPro jostles once more; this time Mr. Rottentreats is holding the camera up and angling it downward to show Jason Richards receive a bright red Christmas stocking.
Mr. Rottentreats: “I really think you’re going to dig ‘em. I had ‘em custom made.”
Jason Richards peeks into the stocking and smirks.
Jason Richards: “Not bad, but what’s the catch, clown?”
The painted face of Mr. Rottentreats begins beaming; Jason Richards pulling a pair of thumbtack covered kick pads & a matching elbow pad from the stocking.
Mr. Rottentreats: “Just consider it a peace offering, Jason. Merry Fuckin’ Xmas!”
The scene fades backstage where we see Patrick Kay sitting in a chair in the locker room area, with his gift box in front of him. He tears through it and anticipates what might be inside. He opens the box flaps and smiles. He pulls out a roll of electrical tape with his left hand and finds a note inside the box with his right. He sets the tape down and reads the note. This is when he looks under his chair and pulls a box out. Patrick wonders what this might be as he opens it up and reveals multiple light tubes inside of it. He smiles.
Patrick Kay "I think I know exactly what I'll be doing with my gifts this year... ho, ho, ho.."
"R.I.P. 2 My Youth" by The Neighbourhood hits the PA.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “There’s my number one draft pick!”
The arena goes dark and the spotlight shines on the entrance stage.
Dylan Daniels: “That’s not Johnny Raikes’s music, Vaughn.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “I’m not stupid! That’s ‘Grade A’ Patrick Kay! Hey, it still fits!”
The opening dramatic intro of the song plays as fans watch the entrance. The drums kick in; playing in time with the lights of the Christmas themed entrance way.
Dylan Daniels: “…take it away, Art!”
Art Burns: “The following is your first Stage Two matchup of the night and is to be contested under FUCKIN’ EEEXXTREME RULES!! Introducing first!”
The "R.I.P. 2 My Youth" lyrics kick in, and from behind the curtain into the spotlight emerges Patrick Kay. The ultraviolent emo holds his arms out in a crucifix; a single light tube in his right hand.
Art Burns: “He hails from Wichita, Kansas!! He weighed in this morning at one-hundred ninety-eight pounds and stands five feet nine inches tall!!”
Patrick Kay poses on the stage in his black jeans, white t-shirt and black leather jacket. He poses with light tube like a baseball player at bat; before continuing down the ramp. He looks confident, driven, and happy as he walks down the ramp.
Art Burns: “The Uuultraaaviolent Peeerrrfectionist!
Kay reaches the middle of the ramp to open a comically oversized gift box; then reaching in and retrieving to small light tube cabins.
Art Burns: “PAAAATRIIIICK KAAAAY!!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr. “I knew I gave him more than one light tube!”
Kay slides the light tube cabins and his single light tube under the bottom rope; before ascending the ring steps. He surveys the crowd with a look of excitement on his face, before carefully entering the ring from the apron. He takes off his leather jacket and shirt, and hands it over to the referee who takes it to ringside, and he then backs into the corner, ready to go, as the song fades.
Art Burns: “And His Opponent!”
The lights in the arena go out as the “The Lone Wolf” by Rose Scythe + Sixthday begins to play. Jason Richards appears with his head down from behind the curtain; glowing in the Christmas lights. He slowly raises his head as his face is hidden behind a half mask.
Art Burns: “Hailing from Seattle, Washington! Standing at five-feet eleven inches. He weighed in this morning at two-hundred nine pounds, The Strong Style Wolf!”
The fans erupt when Richards raises right his arm; then slides the thumbtack covered elbow pad down his right arm.
Art Burns: “JAASOON RIIIICHAAARDS!”
Jason Richards points at the thumbtack elbow pad; then at Patrick Kay. The Strong Style Wolf confidently marches to the ring. Kay twirls his light tube while shouting “COME AND GET IT, WOLFY!”
Dylan Daniels: “Mr. Rottentreats is quite the crafty clown. Those thumbtack covered kick pads and that elbow pad look quite painful.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “How dare he go behind my back and give Jason Richards his F’nXmas stocking early! That’s an unfair advantage.”
Richards enters the ring between the middle rope and the rope-like barbwire strands; careful not to get snagged by the barbwire. The bell sounds.
Dylan Daniels: “What about Jason Richards’ gift that you were supposed to give him?”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “…I knew I forgot something.”
Kay charges; swinging the light tube. Richards rolls under the light tube and to his feet; both men stop themselves from running into the barbwire. Kay and Richards charge each other; Kay ducks a Thumbtack Covered Rolling Elbow Attempt. Richards stops himself from hitting the barbwire; only to turn into an explosive light tube shot from Kay! Richards stumbles to a knee in the corner. Kay crowds Richards immediately to dig into his forehead with the remainder of the light tube.
Dylan Daniels: “Patrick Kay is all over him”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “That’s what I like to see!”
Kay backs toward the opposite corner; admiring his handy work. Richards attempts to push himself to his feet with help from the middle turnbuckle. Kay darts into the corner; broken light tube in hand. A bloody Richards manages to catch Kay with a drop toehold. The remainder of the light tube rolls out of the ring; Kay’s face smacks the middle turnbuckle.
Dylan Daniels: “That definitely could have ended badly for both men.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Are you kidding me? That ended horribly for Patrick!!”
Richards is all over Kay; jerking him to the center of the ring by the hair. Wasting no time Richards brings Kay to his feet with a series of vicious thumbtack laced Kawada kicks to the face! Kay swings wildly; before dropping to his ass.
Dylan Daniels: “I don’t think he caught him with all of those kicks, but that last one busted Patrick Kay open!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Come on, Patrick! Get back into it, damn it!”
Richards immediately covers Kay.
Kay rolls under the bottom rope; picking thumbtacks from his bleeding forehead. A crimson masked Richards is in hot pursuit; grabbing Kay by the neck. Richards tosses Kay over the guard rail; Kay lands on his feet!
Dylan Daniels: “That was a close one for Patrick Kay!”
Richards begins tearing the ring skirt away from the ring.
Dylan Daniels: “What is Jason Richards doing?”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “I knew he would… Sniff out his gift eventually.”
Kay positions a chair against the guardrail; then uses both to take a bow. The crowd erupts! Kay continues to showboat; thinking the reaction is for him. Richards fights with an object under the ring; eventually revealing a barbwire trampoline!
Dylan Daniels: “Jason Richards looks to be planning something with that barbwire trampoline. He’s sitting it on top of the ring apron and guard rail.”
Kay accepts a beer from a fan; seemingly chugging it right away.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Damn it, Patrick! This isn’t the time to be drinking!
Richards advances on Kay and reaches over the guard rail; turning Kay around. Kay spits beer in the already blood covered face of Richards; Richards blindly reaches for the guard rail. Kay parts the fans for running room. Getting a running start uses the chair to step up to the guard rail. The crowd’s cheers suddenly turn to a chorus of booing; as Kay simple drops to his feet. Kay flips the crowd off; then turns his attention to Richards rolling him back into the ring.
Dylan Daniels: “That was uncalled for.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Tell me about it, he could just deliver that Kay Krusher on the outside and be done with it, Dylan!”
Kay slides into the ring behind Richards; then points out the barbwire trampoline. The crowd erupts. Kay pulls Richards to a knee; Richards drives the thumbtack covered elbow into Kay’s stomach! Kay stumbles to the opposite ropes; pulling thumbtacks from his stomach. Richards wipes his eyes clear; just in time. Richards cuts Kay off with a Hot Shot onto the barbwire top rope!
Dylan Daniels: “Chest first across the Barbwire goes Patrick Kay!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “I do not like where this is headed, Dylan. Not one damn bit!”
Richards points out the barbwire trampoline suspended via the guardrail and ring apron; to the crowd’s delight. Richards jerks Kay away from sagging barbwire; scooping him up for a powerbomb!
Dylan Daniels: “Look at the mid-section of Patrick Kay!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Patrick’s fighting back!”
Kay begins biting Richards and escapes the power bomb attempt; then stumbles back. Richards grabs his forehead; Kay darts at Richards with another Shining Wizard attempt! Richards lifts him up for another power bomb attempt; Kay attempts a Huricanrana. Richards turns manages to block the Hurricana attempt; then power bombs Kay over the sagging barbwire into the barbwire trampoline! The RRS Ring Crew swarm PKA to cut him loose; Richards soaking in his own blood and the adulation of the Charlotte Audience.
Dylan Daniels: “Jason Richards with a vicious power bomb. He needs to stay on Patrick Kay.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Come on, Patrick!!”
The crowd bursts into a “HO-LY SHIT!” chant. Kay yells a string of obscenities as he’s being removed from the barbwire; swatting away ring crew in the process.
Dylan Daniels: “Just look at those barbs pulling at the skin of Patrick Kay.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “I’d rather not.”
Richards drags Kay back into the ring as soon as he sees his hand touch the bottom rope; making the cover.
Dylan Daniels: “Patrick Kay barely kicked out of that! I don’t know how he managed to do it!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “No Fear, No Limits, No Pain, Dylan!”
Dylan Daniels: “Are you sure? Patrick looks to be in quite a bit of pain, Vaughn.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “…whatever!”
Richards loses his cool; momentarily arguing with the referee about his cadence. Kay slowly regains his composure; using the distraction to set up a light tube cabin. Richards shoves the referee aside and advances toward Kay. Richards cockily allows Kay to rise to his feet. Richard launches a Rolling Elbow with the thumbtack covered elbow pad; Kay ducks! Richards turns into a boot to the midsection from Kay. Kay scoops Richards up for a powerbomb and drives him into the canvas twice; then launches him into a light tube cabin for the trifecta!
Dylan Daniels: “Patrick Kay is digging deep into his repertoire, I haven’t seen him do a Triple Power bomb since the early 2000s!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “That’s it! The Trifecta of Power bombs into the light tube cabin, Jason Richards is Dunzo!”
Dylan Daniels: “How did Jason Richards kick out of that!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “I don’t know, but you won’t be seeing that referee anymore!”
Richards slowly crawls to the center of the ring; Kay still in shock. Richards sits up as Kay approaches him. Kay hauls off with a stiff kick to the chest of Richards; laying Richards back down. Kay pivots around and leaps into the air with a Standing Shooting Star Press; Richards raises his knees. Kay comes down hard on those thumbtack covered kick pads. Kay clutches his stomach while on his knees. Richards rises to his feet and motions Kay to do the same. Kay gets to a knee; Richards attempts a shining wizard. Kay lifts Richards in a power bomb position; looking to power bomb him into the remaining light tube cabin. Richards flips out; landing in front of Kay. Richards connects with a Rolling Elbow out of nowhere!
Dylan Daniels: “Rolling Elbow with that thumbtack covered elbow pad!!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Damn it, Patrick!”
Dylan Daniels: “These boys are going power bomb crazy tonight!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “It’s the new super kick!”
Richards lifts Kay up for a powerbomb. Kay pops up, then flips up and over Richards; using his knees to drive Richards into the light tube cabin with an inverted reverse huricanrana. Kay makes the pin attempt.
Dylan Daniels: “What the?”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “HuriKAYrana!”
Dylan Daniels: “Richards is showing some real fighting spirit here tonight, Vaughn!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “You call it fighting spirit, I call it stupidity. Stay down!”
An angered Kay marches to a corner to retrieve his F’nXmas stocking. Without revealing it to the camera; he pulls the contents out of the stocking. The crowd that can see what Kay has in his hands erupt in a Patrick Gay chant. Kay replies with “Originality isn’t to common in the southeast, is it?” Kay charges at a bent over Richards. Richards side steps Kay and sends him shoulder first into the ring post. A large, lengthy, and rubbery barbwire covered objects rolls out on to the announce table.
Dylan Daniels: “Is that a?”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “A barbwire covered sex toy? Yup!”
Kay backs out of the corner clutching his shoulder; Richards approaches him. Kay drops with a handful of Richards tights; sending Richards into the turnbuckle. Kay retrieves the a roll of electrical tape from his jean pocket and tapes Richards wrists to the barbwire. Kay backs into the opposite corner; as Richards attempts to free himself. Kay sprints the best he can and nails Richards with a drop kick. Richards slumps; loosening the barbwire. Kay returns with another drop kick; Richards weight makes the barbwire sag a bit more. Kay is quick with another drop kick; the ring crew finally cutting Richards free. Kay piles up a few light tubes that haven’t busted. Finally loose, Richards slumps into Kay; Kay throws an X up.
Dylan Daniels: “He’s signaling for the Darkness Buster!”
Kay crosses Richards arms and lifts him up into the air; dropping onto the light tubes with a Cross-Arm Brainbuster! Kay hooks a leg.
Dylan Daniels: “That’s all she wrote!”
Art Burns: “YOUR WINNER! And advancing to Stage Three of HoliCraze Hell! PAAATRIIIICK KAAAAAAAAAY!”
Dylan Daniels: “They really took it to the F’nXtreme tonight, Vaughn!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “And I didn’t even have to get involved, imagine that!”
Dylan Daniels: “Up next is he Mystery Tag Team Showcase! I’m really excited for this one!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “And you should be! I’ve searched high, I searched low! I managed to get one of the top teams in Japan and a top team from Mexico! Ironically, neither team is actually Japanese, or Mexican.”
Dylan Daniels: “While the Ring Crew cleans up this mess and replaces the top rope, let’s send it to the back with one of the Mystery Teams.”
Three 6 Mafia’s “Ass ‘n’ Titties” faintly plays as the duo of Tammy Tits and Molly Cyrus a.k.a Tits N’ Ass appear on screen; their Wonders Of Seishin titles on display.
Tammy Tits: “YO!”
Molly Cyrus: “Hey y'all!”
Tammy Tits: “Baby gurl, ain't dis' close to where you from?”
Molly Cyrus: “Yeah, it is.”
Tammy Tits: “Girl, I see why ya wanted to get out of here!”
Molly Cyrus: “The people are stupid...”
Tammy Tits: “They stink!”
Molly Cyrus: “Did we mention they're stupid?”
Tammy Tits: “...and that they stink?”
Molly Cyrus: “But we don't stink! “
Tammy Tits: “HELL NAW!”
Molly Cyrus: “We're the Wonders Of Seishin, the best female tag team that Japan has to offer! And now we're here to show our new belts off for all you rednecks who ain't seen something this shiny since...”
Tammy Tits: “...since y'all lost y'alls gold tooth!”
Molly Cyrus: “Girl, these folks ain't never had no teeth - gold or otherwise!”
Tammy Tits: “Whatever, baby gurl. They got me. They know we be rollin' up in this joint like it's the Joysey boardwalk in the summertime. Sippin' sizzurp in our ride like a three-six, an' feelin' so fly like a G-6!”
Molly Cyrus: “...except we don't have no ride...”
Tammy Tits: “...whatEVER baby gurl! It's a whassat...a metamorph!”
Molly Cyrus: “A metaphor.”
Tammy Tits: “Yeah. We a metamorph too.”
Molly Cyrus: “Metaphor. And why are we a metaphor?”
Tammy Tits: “'Cause with a metamorph, it looks like you talkin' 'bout somethin'...but in fact you talkin' 'bout summin' else that ain't even similar!”
Molly Cyrus: “...Kinda...and?”
Tammy Tits: “Well, that's us, ain't it, homegurl? When we be rollin' up to See Chin everyone be like 'them bitches can't rassle'...and now lookit us...we be carryin' bling, girlfriend! We a metamorph, yo! An' tonight...we gon' metamorph all over them other folk at this redneck-ass show!”
Molly Cyrus: “...that sounds dirty...”
Tammy Tits: “Gurl, I'm a ho. 'Course I'mma sound dirty!”
Molly Cyrus: “Well, we are in the dirty South...so let's show these people what the winning team looks like.”
Tammy Tits: “Word, gurlfriend. And 'bout them other bitches, all I'mma say is...y'all best be bringin' some strawberries...'cause tonight...y'all bout to get creamed...TnA-style!”
Lotion squirts into the camera lens.
”????: “Did someone say, cream?!”
A swipe removes the lotion; leaving streaks. Standing in the frame and combing his hair back is none other than “Dee-Licious” Douglas Divine; standing alongside a pudgy blond young man. Both men are adorned in pink tracksuits with purple trim.
”Dee-Licious” Douglas Divine: “Ladies, you’re in for a cream pie surprise tonight! Aren’t they tubby?”
Divine smacks the pudgy blond young man; in attempt to hand the promo off to him. The pudgy blond kid nervously shakes his head in agreement.
”Dee-Licious” Douglas Divine: “You’ll have to excuse Gordo here. He’s a bit camera shy. Myself on the other hand. I’m ready for my close up! Hell you might even say I’m going to give ‘ol Tits N’ Ass the money shot they’ve always wanted.”
Divine thrusts his pelvis toward the camera.
”Dee-Licious” Douglas Divine: “Wonders of Seishin, huh? How appropriate, because Seishin is going to be left wondering why they sent ya after tonight.”
Now, hit our music!
Art Burns: “The following is the Mystery Tag Team Showcase!”
“It’s Raining Men” by The Weather Girls hits the PA.
Art Burns: “Introducing first, hailing from Charlotte, NC by way of Mexico City, Mexico!”
“Dee-Licious” Douglas Divine fights to pull the pudgy blonde known simply as Gordo from behind the curtain; directing him to turn his back to the crowd.
Art Burns: “The Duo of “Dee-Licious” Douglas Divine and GOOOORDOOO! Los Guapos Americanos!”
The Duo turn to the crowd gyrating rather sexually; at least Divine is. Gordo shyly wiggles his hips; before they proceed to the ring. Divine slides under the bottom rope and to his knees; he turns to pull the bottom rope up for Gordo. Gordo manages to get caught up in the bottom rope; despite Divine holding it up for him.
Dylan Daniels: “Looks like Douglas Divine finally found someone to take his childhood frustrations out on.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Thanks for the reminder, I almost forgot Dougie used to be a fat kid!”
Three 6 Mafia's 'Ass'n'Titties' begins to play, immediately drawing boos from the stands even before Tammy Tits and Molly Cyrus emerge onto the platform. Once they do, and after summarily flipping off the crowd, Molly takes a moment to twerk on Tammy.
Art Burns: “And their opponents! Representing Seishin Joshi Puroresu!”
The two then snap their fingers at one another and begin to make their way to ringside.
Art Burns: “The Duo of Tammy Tits and Molly Cyrus, The Wonders of Seishin! Tits N’ Ass!”
Tammy walks in front, doing her streetwalker strut and displaying her assets, while Molly follows close behind, responding to assorted taunts from the fans.
Dylan Daniels: “Did you book them just to embarrass Art Burns? Look at him, he’s redder than a lobster!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “He better not be having a heart attack in the ring, damn it!”
Upon entering the ring, the two huddle in a corner, away from their opponents, and talk strategy; Los Guapos pounce on T’NA with forearms. Los Guapos Irish Whip the ladies into the opposite ropes; telegraphing back body drops. Molly & Tammy return with kicks to the chest of Divine and Gordo respectively. Molly nails Divine with a spinning back Heel Kick that sends him rolling to the apron. Tammy hauls off with a slap to Gordo; Gordo turns into another slap from Molly.
Dylan Daniels: “Gordo is in trouble, Vaughn!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Tits ‘N’ Ass are not afraid to Slap A ho!”
The slap fest continues until Tammy begins to twists Gordo’s nipples. Tammy uses Gordo’s nipples to back him into the ropes; then Biels him into the center of the ring! Molly covers Gordo; Tammy exits to the apron.
Dylan Daniels: “That was a unique Biel Toss!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “They say the secret to controlling your opponent is the head. Tammy tits just proved you can control someone by their nipples as well!”
Molly rebounds off the ropes looking for a lariat; Gordo ducks. Gordo rebounds off the rope and meets Molly in the center of the ring with a flying crossbody!
Dylan Daniels: “Not too bad for someone his size.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Fly fat ass, fly! But, don’t break my damn rope again!”
Gordo pins Molly with a lateral press.
T-KICKOUT!! Gordo applies a rear chin lock; Tammy begins smacking the turnbuckle. The crowd claps along; Divine attempts to get them to stop. They begin chanting Tits ‘n’ Ass! Molly fights to a knee! She sends and elbow into the gut of Gordo; he winces. She fights to her feet and attempts to send Gordo into the ropes. Gordo holds onto her head. Molly turns into the hold and Gordo immediately screams!!
Dylan Daniels: “She’s going to bite his nipple off!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “That areola is big enough to feed a small family! Talk about gluttony!”
Gordo rakes Molly’s eyes. The big man drops to his knees; clutching his nipple as he tags in Divine. Divine flies through the air with a Lou Thesz press on Molly; mounting her. Divine places his arms on his head and begins gyrating on top of Molly. Molly manages to roll divine up; as he throws a punch.
ON-KICK OUT! Divine rolls to his feet; pissed off!
Dylan Daniels: “If he’s not careful, that showboating will cost him the match!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “It’s Divine. He knows what he’s doing!”
Molly manages to stand up, but blindly stumbles into a Spinebuster from Divine!
Dylan Daniels(singing): “I don’t see nothing wrong…”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.(singing) “…with a little Bump N Grind. SPINEBUSTAAA!”
Divine slithers between Molly’s legs and catches them with his ankles. The referee drops to count; Divine thrusting his crotch in Molly’s face with the referee’s cadence.
TH-KICKOUT!!! An angry Divine shoves the referee to the side; before ascending the ropes. Divine measures Molly from the top rope; as he seductively swivels his hips. Molly rises and turns into a Divine Seated Senton attempt. Molly rolls under; Divine lands on his feet. Molly dives to tag Tammy; Divine rolls to the side and tags Gordo. Gordo and Tammy meet up in the center of the ring. Tammy kicks Gordo in gut; then drops him with a Jumping Facebuster!
Dylan Daniels: “Tammy’s Ten Dollar Special!”
Tammy rolls back to her corner; tagging Molly back in. Molly flies through the air connecting with a Top Rope Seated Senton!
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “And Molly came in like a Wrecking Ball! Tits N Ass just Dropped Gordo Like he’s hot! Which he is not!”
Molly makes the cover!
Ass ‘n’ Titties by Three 6 Mafia blasts over the PA. Molly & Tammy exit the ring with their Wonders Of Seishin Belts. Divine stands over Gordo rather disappointed; as Tits N Ass disappear to the back.
Dylan Daniels: “Douglas Divine doesn’t seem too pleased, Vaughn!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “You’re telling me!”
Divine helps Gordo to his feet; only to drive him back to the mat with a Spin Out Power Bomb!
Dylan Daniels: “I think it’s safe to say, that team is history!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “And while the ring crew cleans up the gelatinous mess and replaces the top rope once more, let’s send it to the back!”
We next see Madman Szalinski, being filmed in expectations of a brief few words regardnig his main event match tonight.
Madman Szalinski: “C'mon, god damn it...CURE! CURE, YOU STUPID WHITE MAGE BITCH!”
He has no interest in addressing the camera, instead he is focused on an intense battle of Final Fantasy I on the NES.
Madman Szalinski: “There we go! Okay...LIT2...FIGHT...use a Potion...”
Unaware that his main event match is just moments away, Madman is fully engulfed in his game. Thankfully, he is fully dressed to compete. Unfortunately, he is losing his fight as two characters have died and a third is in the process.
Madman Szalinski: “WHAT THE KENTUCKY FRIED FUCK?”
An angry Madman stands up, ripping the NES away from its stand. The TV shorts out, the power cuts away, and Madman is left with the system in his hand and the controllers dangling.
Madman Szalinski: “Should have got a god damn top loader...”
Shaking his head, Szalinski walks away without acknowledging the camera a single time. The scene cuts away.
A fade in from darkness reveals the pretty face and tattooed torso of Johnny Raike, smiling wide while awaiting his present from Vaughn Ronie Jr.
Johnny Raike: “Well, aren't you just the luckiest RRS crowd ever. You already got to see me do commentary, hear my beautiful voice the entire time, now you get to see me get what's coming to me, and then you'll get to see me come out to that ring and wrestle. Though, perhaps it'll be more accurate to say I'll go to war.”
A confident look from the Panty Wearing Panty Dropper.
Johnny Raike: “See, I can't lose here tonight. Not before stage three, not in front of these Carolina hicks, not to Madman Szalinski. No, see, I can't lose here, and I'll make sure of it with extreme, cutthroat, coldhearted anything I have to do to win. Because Madman, you were wrong, so very, very wrong, in so much of what you said to me. I do have to prove myself tonight. I have to prove myself every night. This business is huge, over bloated and full of pathetic little minnows who love to crow about how you can't beat them, because they're a legend and they've never heard of me. The kind of pricks who believe that whatever backyard they stepped into is the entire wrestling universe. You didn't do that. You actually knew my name from the start, you are going on about how I'm shit beneath your boots, and you do have my thanks for that. Know that I'm also treating you as equal, not that that means I'll treat you politely. Or even fair. But, though you think I have nothing to prove to you-- more on that in a second -- I have plenty to prove to them. Every match. Every time. Until I have earned all of the respect, the honors, the status that I so justly and truly deserve.”
A regal nod of the head.
Johnny Raike: “But enough about the audience for this match. They won't be involved. At least they better fucking not be, I will straight up enziguri a motherfucker if they try to get involved in this. That beer throwing little bitch from earlier best watch his back, I might just “accidentally” miss a kick and blast him right in the mouth.”
A blown kiss to the camera for the Thigh-High Thriller.
Johnny Raike: “But Madman, I'm afraid there is also something I have to prove to you. You show me your scars, the souvenirs of many a battle. Show me the toll being in this kind of a match environment has taken on you. How very lovely of you to show me such displays of flesh, my sweet. But, see, I just can't shake the feeling that you think I haven't done this before. So, I thought I'd show you my souvenir. You won't see many scars, coco butter and a variety of lotions keep scaring to a minimum, and the tattoos hide what remains. So instead, I have this.”
Johnny holds up a slightly blocky crown, gleaming from a fresh cleaning.
Johnny Raike: “This, is the Platinum Crown. On night, falls count anywhere, death match tournament. And when I say anywhere, I mean anywhere. I fought in the streets, dragged a man down a rocky cliff face, and toppled a giant on top of a parking garage. All in about three hours. I do this death match shit. I'm good at this death match shit. My sadistic, petty, evil little voice, he gets to drive for this match. I will beat you down with anything and everything I can find, I will choke you, gouge you, if I get the chance I'll set your fucking mask on fire. Last time you saw me wrestle, and now maybe, just maybe, you think I can't also fight. I've been fighting my entire adult life. I've gotten real good at anything goes. I'm clever. And I'm mean. And that's not a good combo to underestimate.”
Johnny Raike: “Neither of us is coming into this thinking this will be an early night. I'm aware that I'll have to all but kill you to win this match, and I'm perfectly willing to take it there and farther if that will get me the win. Too much still on the line, too many parties I still need to have in my own honor. I have to build to that rematch from last tournament, I have to get to the top of the mountain with my boy, PKA. And I will leave you a bloody, battered mess on the RRS canvas to do so. Also probably leave some of you at ringside. On the fans. In a dressing room. On the sunroof of some poor bastards car. You get the picture.”
As Johnny is smirking at his threat, a member of the ring crew come up to his with a long, thin package. Johnny tears off the festive paper with disturbing glee, opening the box and revealing a thumbtack covered whiffle ball bat. The American Wet Dream stares at it in awe for a moment, the starts to giggle. The giggle turns into a full laugh, triumph ringing forth from the mouth of Johnny Raike.
Johnny Raike: “You see this? Are you seeing this Madman? Vaughn must want me to kill you. Must want you dead as Peach, bless her likely-already-worm-eaten little heart. Oh, there will be pain and blood tonight. I can't wait.”
As the hi-hats count off four to start off "Dr. Wily Part One", Madman Szalinski jumps out from behind the curtain; Nintendo Entertainment System in tow.
Dylan Daniels: “Madman Szalinski does not look too pleased tonight, Vaughn! That cannot be good for Johnny Raike.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Don’t you worry about Johnny Raike. Szalinski will forget all about his horrible gaming abilities soon enough, Dylan.”
Madman Szalinski slides under the bottom rope with his NES; once on his feet he inspects the barbwire. Szalinski shouts “GET THE MOTHERFUCKER OUT HERE!”; as “Dr. Wily Part One” fades out.
Dylan Daniels: “Sounds like Johnny Raike is in for one Helluva F’nXmas, Vaughn.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “We’ve got a real comedian here!”
As the singing starts for Pure Morning Johnny emerges from behind the curtain, sauntering, lost in the music, and often running his hands sensually over his own chest; then kissing & pointing the thumbtack covered whiffle ball bat at Madman Szalinski. The referee encourages Szalinski to wait for the bell. Raike slides under the bottom rope; then pushes himself to his knees.
Art Burns: “The following contest is your MAIN EVENT and your final Stage Two match of the evening; to be contested under FUUCKIN’ EXTREEEEME RULES!”
Szalinski whips the canvas with a NES controller cord!
Art Burns: “Introducing first, from the FIIIIIYAAH FIEEELDS!! The Most Hated Man In America!!”
Szalinski steps toward the center of the ring; whipping the canvas with the NES Controller cord again.
Art Burns: “MAAAADMAAAN SZZZAAALIIIINSKIIII!!”
Szalinski swings the cord in Raike’s direction; Raike swings the whiffle ball bat.
Art Burns:“And his opponent, from Queens, New York the-”
Johnny puts his hand over the microphone and pushes it down, while leaning in to say something to Art. The veteran ring announcer's eyes go wide, his gaze darting to Madman Szalinski before looking Johnny Raike straight in the eye. He shakes his head, but Johnny just nods.”
Art Burns: “From Queens, New York, weighing in at a 193 lbs! He is the Inaugural HoliCraze Hell Champion and the master of doggy style, wrestling’s biggest horn dog, Johnnnnnny..... RAAAAAAAIKE!”
The bell rings!
Szalinski blasts Raike with the NES Console; catching Raike off guard! Szalinski is quick to cover Raike.
Dylan Daniels: “Madman Szalinski nearly picked up the quickest victory in HoliCraze Hell history, Vaughn!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “What the hell is that thing made of? It didn’t even bust open!”
Raike rolls out of the ring; grabbing his thumbtack covered whiffle bat in the process. Szalinski wraps a Nintendo controller cord around his hand; before nailing Raike with a baseball slide dropkick. Raike flies into the guardrail; dropping his whiffle ball bat. Szalinski unravels a bit of controller cord and wraps it around Raike’s neck; choking him!
Dylan Daniels: “Madman Szalinski isn’t playing around tonight, Vaughn!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “He’s pissed about the dog, I get it. No need to commit murder in front of a live audience!”
Szalinski Biels Raike over the guard rail and into the crowd. Raike crawls through the crowd gasping for air. Szalinski hops the guard rail and begins whipping Raike with the controller cord; Raike yelps every time the cord wraps around his back!
Dylan Daniels: “Madman Szalinski is beating him like…”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “…a government mule? How original!”
Dylan Daniels: “Actually, I was going to say like the time your mom whipped you when you broke her record player.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Treats is right, you’re extremely hurtful.”
Raike rolls to his back attempting to beg off; Szalinski continues to whip him with the controller cord. Szalinski wraps the controller cord around his neck again and drags him into the Casbah area!
Dylan Daniels: “They’re near the Casbah Stage now, Vaughn!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Falls Count Anywhere, I hope Johnny can turn this around soon.”
Szalinski tells the fans to move; continuing to drag Raike through the crowd. Szalinski Biels Raike once more; this time into the side of the Casbah Stage. Szalinski pins Raike. Raike kicks out before the referee can get to the pin attempt; thanks to the crowd. Szalinski rolls Raike up on the stage; Raike gasps for air. Szalinski begins to fold and pile chairs up in front of the stage. Raike is up to a knee; Szalinski turns and rocks Raike with a stiff right punch! The Madman jumps up on the stage with Raike; then scoops him up.
Dylan Daniels: “Here comes that Scoopstone Piledriver from Madman Szalinski!”
Raike somehow slithers out of the Scoop Slam; landing behind Szalinski. Szalinski turns into a series of leg kicks from Raike; Raike runs at Szalinski. Szalinksi picks Raike up and drives him into the pile of chairs with a Waterwheel Suplex! Szalinski covers Raike.
Dylan Daniels: “Johnny Raike is showing great resiliency tonight, Vaughn.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “He better start showing an ability to turn the tables, or he’s going to lose this match!”
Szalinski argues with the referee; allowing Raike to steal a cup of liquor from someone. Raike takes a swig; as Szalinski snatches him up. Raike spits the liquor in the eyes of Szalinski!
Dylan Daniels: “Looks like you got your wish, Vaughn.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Hey, man. Anything goes! It is F’nXmas after all!”
Raike throws a series of vicious leg kicks that bring Szalinski to a knee. Raike hauls off with a Yakuza kick! Raike covers Szalinski near the entrance to the Main Room of Tremont.
TW-KICKOUT!! Raike quickly grabs Szalinski’s mask by the eye holes and pulls him to his feet.
Dylan Daniels: “Such disrespect shown here by Johnny Raike!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “It’s F’nX Rules, Dylan. You of all people should know that means there are no rules.”
Raike pulls Szalinski back into the main room of Tremont; keeping control of him with leg kicks. Raike whips Szalinski into the guard rail; and motions for him to get up. Szalinski slowly pulls himself up to his feet; Raike charges. Szalinski sends Raike up and over the guard rail; he twists mid-air and lands on his feet! Raike stumbles toward Szalinski; clutching his back.
Dylan Daniels: “That was impressive! It looked to have jarred his spine, though.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Johnny’s a big boy, he can take it. Come on, Johnny! Walk it off!”
Raike picks his Thumbtack Covered Whiffle Ball bat off the floor. Szalinski crosses the guard rail and turns into a face full of thumbtack from Raike! Raike drives Szalinski into the guardrail with a Tack Covered Whiffle Ball Bat assisted Russian Leg Sweep!
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “White Russian Leg Sweep!”
Dylan Daniels: “VICIOUS! But, Raike needs to go for the pin!”
Raike shakes off his own maneuver; pulling himself to his feet. Raike takes a few steps back then flies through the air; driving the tack covered whiffle ball bat into Szalinski’s mask! Raike props his bat against the ring steps; admiring the blood seeping through Szalinski’s mask. Raike grabs a handful of mask and uses it to throw Szalisnki into the ring.
Dylan Daniels: “I can assure you, Madman Szalinski is simmering under that mask.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Hey, wear a mask, expect it to get tugged on!”
Raike opts to retrieve his F’nXmas Stocking; with Tack Covered Whiffle Ball bat in tow. Szalinski rips tacks from his mask. Raike slides into the ring and dumps the contents of his F’nX stocking; a flask, a pair of wire cutters, and a pizza cutter! Raike beams; sorting through the items.
Dylan Daniels: “You’re a sick individual, Vaughn.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “The flask and pizza cutter are for the celebratory whiskey and ‘za, bra!”
Raike holsters the flask & pizza cutters in his waist band; using the wire cutters to cut a few strands of barbwire from the makeshift top rope. Grasping the barbwire strands; Raike attempts to whip Szalinski! Szalinski rolls out of the way; the barbwire snags the canvas! Szalinski shows off a few leg kicks of his own; dropping Raike to his knees. Szalinski pulls Raike up and sends him staggering with a European uppercut. Raike catches his balance before hitting the barbwire rope. Szalinski sends Raike chest first into the barbwire rope with a standing drop kick. Szalinski jerks Raike away from the barbwire; barbs plucking at his skin. Szalinski lifts Raike up and drives him into the canvas head and neck first!”
Dylan Daniels: “Backdrop Suplex by Madman Szalinski! That brings back bad memories, Vaughn.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Yeah, we know. You were a death match chump.”
Szalinski covers Raike.
Dylan Daniels: “How did he manage to kick out after that?”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Johnny’s got his mind on that giant trophy and a comically oversized check!”
Szalinski keeps his wits about him; surveying the ring. The masked man spots his remaining NES Controller. Raike catches Szalinski with a drop toe hold; as he advances on his NES controller. Raike hops to his feet; allowing Szalinski to reach for his NES controller. Raike is stomps Szalinski’s hand down onto the controller; yelling “NINTENDO THUMB!!!”
Dylan Daniels: “THAT, definitely brings back memories!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “No time for nostalgia, Johnny!”
Raike grabs the stomped thumb and directs Szalinski to the ropes; Szalinski elbows Raike. Raike drops Szalinski to a knee with a leg kick. Szalinski shoves Raike back. Raike grabs Szalinski by the mask and drives him face first into the barbwire rope! Szalinski shoves Raike away; before stumbling as far away from Raike as possible.
Dylan Daniels: “Johnny Raike has crossed a line here tonight, Vaughn.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “The only line here tonight is the one wrapped around the building still waiting to get in!”
A close up of Szalinski shows his shredded, blood-soaked mask.
Dylan Daniels: “That’s a double-whammy, Vaughn. Madman Szalanski’s vision in impaired not only by blood, but his mask as well.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “And there’s no better time for Johnny to be staying on him. What are you doing, Johnny?!”
Raike is in the opposite corner winding up his Tack Covered Whiffle Ball Bat. Unbeknownst to Raike, Szalinski has retrieved his F’nXmas stocking. A fan grabs Raike’s attention; smoke begins to rise from Szalinski’s corner.
Dylan Daniels: “You Ronie’s sure do love your marijuana and thumbtacks, don’t you?”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Not this crap again!”
Szalinski jumps to his feet and turns into a whiffle ball bat to the mid-section; Szalinski catches the bat under his arm! The drunken crowd erupts! Szalinski launches forward with an object clasped at both ends; driving Raike back into the corner by the throat.
Dylan Daniels: “…is that?”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Whatever it is, it’s a proving to be a bad decision on my behalf.”
Dylan Daniels: “You didn’t!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Don’t worry, it isn’t hers! Got him hot, though! Didn’t it?!”
Raike slices the left arm of Szalinski with the pizza cutter; Szalinski drops what appears to be a bone. Raike falls to a knee gasping for air; barbs plucking at his back. Szalinski circles the ring; favoring his arm. Raike sips from his flask. Szalinski charges right into a face full of liquor; he begins swinging wildly!
Dylan Daniels: “Tell me that’s not..”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Only the finest, sir! And it looks like Madman Szalinski just can’t hold his liquor!”
Szalinski turns into a Super Kick from Raike; both men are down! Szalinski out cold from the Super Kick; Raike still attempting regain oxygen.
Dylan Daniels: “I don’t think these men can go much longer, Vaughn.”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Me either, Dylan. On the Brightside, at least we can’t see Madman’s ugly mug because of the crimson mask!”
Raike crawls over to make the pin attempt.
Dylan Daniels: “Pure instinct!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Pure bullshit is more like it. Hook a damn leg, Johnny!”
The crowd begins a dueling “MadMan”/”Raike Blows” chant! Both men rise to a knee; a bloody mess. Raike reaches for Szalinski’s mask with his left hand and punches him with his right! Szalinski returns the favor; rocking Raike! Raike shakes it off and forearms Szalinski; Szalinski rocks back. Raike pulls Szalinski in by the mask! Szalinski attempts to cinch in a front guillotine; Raike slithers out.
Dylan Daniels: “That escape was a combination of blood, sweat…”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “…and skill, Dylan. Pure unadulterated catch as catch can, skill!”
Raike rolls onto the ring apron; parallel to the announce table.
Dylan Daniels: “Not again!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Calm down, he’s just taking a breather!”
Raike uses the middle rope to pull himself to his feet; Szalinski kicks Raike in the midsection. Raike drops to the apron and rolls back into the ring. Szalinski lifts Raike up and drapes him across the barbwire top rope; snapping the rope! Raike writhes on the apron in agony!
Dylan Daniels: “What’s that make him now, a six?”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Watch your mouth, Dylan!”
Dylan Daniels: “Madman Szalinski has the neck of Johnny Raike!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Damn it, Johnny!”
Raike claws Szalinski’s mask! Szalinski loosens his grip.
Dylan Daniels: “I’ll hand it to him, that was smart.”
Raike hooks Szalinski’s leg!
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “MOVE!”
Raike drives Szalinski into the ringside announce table; with a Small Package Driver! The impact knocks the announcers microphones out of service. Dylan Daniels and Vaughn Ronie Jr. back away from the wreckage immediately; noticing Raike has Szalinski pinned!
Art Burns: “Your winner and advancing to Stage Three of the HoliCraze Hell TOURnament!! THE THIGH HIGH THRILLER, JOOOOHNNYYY RAAAAAIIIIKE!!!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr. shoves Dylan Daniels out of the way; to help Johnny Raike to his feet. Patrick Kay even hobbles out to assist a crimson Johnny Raike.