Stage Three: #AndAViolentNewYear – 12/31/15 – Hammerstein Ballroom – New York City
The HoliCraze Hell TOURnament concludes in New York City with …And A Violent New Year! Stage 3 will see Vaughn Ronie Jr. choose a Close Quarters match type at random during the beginning of the show. The two HCHT finalists will battle it out at the stroke of midnight in the chosen match with the winner receiving $200,000 and a Trophy!
Who will walk out of the Hammerstein Ballroom $200,000 richare? Find out soon, as …And A Violent New Year starts… NOW!!
Main Event: Stage 3 – Close Quarters Combat
Mystery Tag Team Showcase
Student –vs- Teacher
Rook-Dog Round-Up Elimination Scramble Match
Stage Three: #AndAViolentNewYear – 12/31/15 – Hammerstein Ballroom – New York City
|The FBI Anti-Piracy WARNING fades away; that’s right we’re LIVE on Pay-Per-View! “Pogo” by Digitalism plays as the WARPED Wrestling logo floats down from the top to the center of the screen. Soon thereafter a fist smashes through the WARPED logo; opening up to reveal the Ronie’s Rasslin’ Services Logo in the palm.|
The FBI Anti-Piracy Warning transitions to a backstage shot where we see Vaughn Ronie Jr, dressed to the nines and shaking a large Mason Jar. The owner of Ronie’s Rasslin’ Services is standing between Patrick Kay and Johnny Raike; both seeming to outdo each other with their New Year’s Attire. Vaughn Ronie Jr. dumps several tiny pieces of paper from the jar into the fedora he’s holding in his left hand.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Let’s choose ourselves a main event, boys!”
Johnny Raike: “Did we really need a hat and a jar? Seems like overkill.”
VRJ grins sheepishly.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “You’re participating in the HoliCraze Hell TOURnament, Johnny. In case you haven’t noticed, I love me some overkill. Patrick Kay! Take your pick!”
Patrick Kay: “Cue the theme from Who Wants to Be a Millionaire…”
Patrick reaches in the hat and pulls out a piece of folded paper. He reads it and smiles.”
Patrick Kay: “Clockwork Orange House Of Fun Cage Match. Ooh, so much fun to be had!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Don’t get too excited, Peeks. We still have to flip a coin after Johnny picks from the Fedora of DOOOOOM-AH!!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr. laughs displaying the fedora with his free hand. Johnny Raike rolls his eyes.
Johnny Raike: “Remind me never to loan you a hat again. So undignified.”
Patrick Kay: “It’s a nice hat, though. So there’s that.”
The Beautiful Nightmare reaches a hand in and deftly plucks out a piece of paper. He reads it and looks momentarily surprised, though not unpleasantly.
Johnny Raike: “Steel Cage Match, Pinfall or Submission only. Of all the times not to be in Carolina, pretending it’s still the 80’s.”
VRJ shoots a sideways glance at Johnny Raike.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Haven’t you heard, Johnny? What’s old, is new again!”
VRJ retrieves a silver coin from his breast pocket and displays it for the camera.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Heads, you two face off in a Clockwork Orange House Of Fun Cage Match. Tails, we take a trip back to the 80’s with a normal Cage Match.”
Johnny Raike: “Just as long as I don’t have to speak fake Russian. Non-god, I hated that book.”
Patrick Kay: “I’d like to phone a friend.”
VRJ flips the coin into the air. All three men watch in anticipation as it rotates in the air; finally dropping to the carpet they’re standing on. VRJ holds his arms out to keep Patrick Kay and Johnny Raike at bay; examining the coin.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Looks like it’s the Clockwork Orange House Of Fun Cage match for the finals of this year’s HoliCraze Hell TOURnament, boys!”
The camera zooms in on the silver coin; showing heads.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Have fun! Not too much, though. I don’t want to see any in out, in out!”
Johnny Raike: “Not for free you sure won’t”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “I’ll be seeing one of you, when I present you with the trophy and comically oversized check for two-hundred thousand dollars!”
The camera pans to Patrick, who has his cell phone to his ear…He sighs as he puts the phone away.
Patrick Kay: “Straight to voicemail. What did I miss?”
Patrick Kay and Johnny Raike exiting the scene. VRJ snaps his fingers.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “…I need to rebrand that. Don’t want any lawsuits.”
MxPx’s cover of “Auld Lang Syne” blares over the PA. A Jib Camera pans the inside of a packed Hammerstein Ballroom; showing off the raucous New York crowd in attendance for “…And A Violent New Year!” Switching to a handheld camera at ringside shows a black and white plaid clad Mr. Rottentreats standing alongside Tony D of WARPED Wrestling fame; wearing an equally impressive pinstripe suit! A close up of the announce team brings “Auld Lang Syne” to a close.
Mr. Rottentreats: “What up Y’all?! Thank you for inviting Ronie’s Rasslin’ Services into your humble abode on this action packed New Year’s Eve! I’m Mr. Rottentreats! Tagging in tonight for Dylan Daniels is none other than the legendary Tony D!”
Tony D: “Thanks for that kind introduction, Treats. It’s good to be back. And I couldn’t have picked a better show to help commentate. Hugo Strange versus Dylan Daniels?! The Rook-Dog Round Up! The Mystery Tag Team Showcase!”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Who doesn’t love a good mystery, Tony D?!”
Tony D: “And what about that main event we’ve got to crown the Second Annual HoliCraze Hell TOURnament winner? Patrick Kay and Johnny Raike are going to be facing off in a Clockwork Orange House Of Fun Cage match.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “What a mouth full! That reminds me of the delicious Chinese food from earlier. Speaking of Chinese food..”
Tony D: “…it’s time for the Rook-Dog Round Up.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Take it away, Art!”
The camera zooms in on legendary Mid-Atlantic ring announcer Art Burns; dressed in a white tuxedo with black trim.
Art Burns: “The opening contest is the Ronie’s Rasslin’ Services Rook-Dog Round Up! It is to be contested under Elimination Scramble rules and start with two legal competitors! A competitor becomes legal once they are tagged in by a legal competitor, or a legal competitor’s feet touch the floor. Eliminations can be achieved by Pinfall, Submission, or KNOCKOUT!”
The camera catches Oddmund Kare flashing an eager grin at the mention of Knockout; Alex Marcellus on the ring apron hyping the big man up.
Art Burns: “Once a competitor is eliminated, they are to leave the ringside area immediately!”
Tony D: “And from my understanding as soon as they change they have to leave the building.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “You are correct, we don’t need these pups wandering around backstage gumming up the works.”
Tony D: “Because there’s only room for one jab..”
Mr. Rottentreats: “…watch yaself, Tony!”
Art Burns: “Introducing first, from Trenton, New Jersey!”
A smattering of boos catch Gina Neon off guard.
Art Burns: “She weighed in this morning at One-Hundred Twenty-Six pounds and stands Five-Feet, Six Inches tall! The Princess of Neon POOOWWAAAH!”
Gina Neon hops up and down excitedly as Art Burns finishes announcing her.
Art Burns: “GIIINAAAAA NEEEOOON!!”
Dante Disaster kneels with his back to a corner and begins pounding the mat with his fists; yelling “HURRY IT UP, OLD MAN!”. The crowd boos!
Art Burns: “From Durham, North Carolina! Standing Five-Feet, Seven Inches tall and weighing One-Hundred Nineteen Pounds! The Master of DEE-SASTAH!”
Dante Disaster unzips his hoody; yelling “YA GOT THAT RIGHT, OLD MAN!”
Art Burns: “DAAAN-TAAAY DEE-SAASTAH!!”
Dante Disaster pops up to his feet and removes his hood; immediately going into trash talk mode. Disaster removes his black hoody and tosses it at the big man Oddmund Kare! Alex Marcellus holds his partner in Ragnarok back.
Art Burns: “Being accompanied to the ring by Alex Marcellus, from Tronsø, Norway and making his in-ring debut! Weighing Two-Hundred Fifty pounds and standing Six-Feet, Five Inches tall! He is GOD’S WEAPON!”
Oddmund Kare rips the hoody of Dante Disaster; glaring at the smaller Rook-Dog.
Art Burns: “OOODDMUND KURAAAY!!
Bronson yells “I’m the one you’ve got to worry about, big guy!”
Art Burns: “He resides in London, Ooohiooo! He stands Five-Feet, Ten Inches tall and weighs Two-Hundred Five Pounds! BRRRROOONSOOON!!!”
Bronson steps forward pounding his chest.
Art Burns: “And the last participant, also making his debut! He hails from Tokyo, Japan! Standing Five-Feet, Seven Inches and weighing One-Hundred Eighty pounds! The DAARKNESSS!”
Kuroi Taiyo simply points everyone out and begins a cutthroat motion as Art Burns says his name.
Art Burns: “KUROOOIII TAYOOO~!
The referee signals for the bell and all hell breaks loose! Gina Neon, Bronson, and Dante Disaster pounce on Kare. Taiyo studies the mayhem from afar; maybe looking for an opportunity to join in.
Tony D: “There’s a three on one attack on Oddmund Kare, Treats!”
Mr. Rottentreats: “You’ve got to go after the biggest dog in the yard. Right now that’s Oddmund! Check out Taiyo, over there in the corner being creepy.”
Disaster and Neon have Kare pinned in the corner. Bronson charges in with a Yakuza Kick; connecting with Kare. Kare stumbles to the neutral corner while Neon rebounds off the ropes. Neon nails Kare with running kick of her own; yelling “NEON POWER!” A light “NE-ON” chant breaks out in the crowd. A dazed Kare steps out of the corner and into a Jumping Corkscrew Roundhouse Kick from Taiyo!
Tony D: “Taiyo came out of nowhere with that Kick, Treats!”
Disaster dumps Neon through the ropes!
Mr. Rottentreats: “All’s well, that ends well, Tony!”
Kare drops to a seated position in the corner. Disaster charges in and uses the top turnbuckle to launch himself into the air for a Slingshot Drop Kick. Kare rolls out of the corner clutching his chest.
Tony D: “Dante Disaster caught the big man flush with that Sling Shot Drop Kick.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Can I get in on this? They’re making it look fun to pop Oddmund!”
Disaster perches himself on the top rope; allowing Kare to a knee. Kare charges in and Disaster leaps onto the back of Kare attempting a Leg Trap Sunset Flip Bomb. Kare grabs the middle ropes to block the move. Disaster reaches for Taiyo to help him out, but Taiyo steps up on the back of Kare and clocks Disaster with a Step-Up Enzuigiri! Disaster drops to the canvas; Taiyo Rolls out of the ring. The referee checks Disaster; Disaster pushes him away.
Tony D: “I think Dante Disaster may have just seen the flash!”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Don’t play yaself, Tony D! That wasn’t a flash that was The Darkness! Not going for the cover is a Rook Dog move, though.”
The referee finally gets the match to some semblance of order. Neon and Bronson have each chosen a corner; Neon recovering in hers. Taiyo paces on the outside, careful not to get in Alex Marcellus’ way. Kare shakes off the cobwebs. A dazed Disaster unwittingly pulls himself up to his feet with help from the top rope. Kare rebounds off the opposite ropes. Disaster avoids the Spear by diving into a neutral corner. Kare catches himself on the middle rope.
Tony D: “No one to tag in that corner, Disaster!”
Disaster stumbles to Neon’s corner.
Mr. Rottentreats: “Not the person you want to try and tag in-OOH!”
Neon rocks Disaster with an Elbow Smash. The referee says it’s not a tag! Disaster turns and manages to duck a Big Boot from Kare. Kare stops in his tracks and turns to charge. Neon tags herself in by smacking Kare on the back!
Tony D: “Gina Neon just tagged herself in, Treats!”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Oddmund Kare doesn’t seem all that pleased either.”
Disaster drops to his knees and begins begging off into the corner; finally rolling out of the ring under the bottom rope. Taiyo slingshots himself into the ring; Neon charges. On the outside Alex Marcellus and Dante Disaster are in the midst of a shoving contest! Back in the ring, Taiyo ducks a leaping clothesline then ducks a back elbow from Neon; finally gliding between the middle and top rope with ease. Taiyo smashes into Disaster and Alex Marcellus at ringside driving all three men into the barricade!
Tony D: “Suicide Dive from Taiyo!”
Mr. Rottentreats: “That’s a big risk to take considering what’s on the line in the Rook-Dog Round Up, Tony D!”
Back in the ring, Bronson charges Neon only to be sent up and over the top rope by a back body drop. Bronson catches himself with the top rope and lands on the apron. Kare charges Neon with a Big Boot. Neon ducks and Bronson pulls the top rope down; sending Kare toppling over. Neon rebounds off of the opposite ropes. Bronson sends her flying up and over the top with a High Back Body Drop; Neon crashes into Kare, Disaster, Taiyo, and Marcellus.
Tony D: “Gina Neon came out of that virtually unharmed, Treats. I wonder if it was a bit of team work between herself and Bronson.”
The crowd erupts into a “NE-ON!” chant.
Mr. Rottentreats: “They say teamwork makes the dream work, but this is singles competition. And judging by the look on Bronson’s face he’s surprised that she’s on her feet. Well, kind of on her feet.”
Neon stumbles to the ring apron and pulls herself into the ring. Bronson pins her, but the referee informs him that they’re in the ropes. Bronson stands up and backs away; allowing Neon to her feet.
Tony D: “I hope the referee has this one under control now.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Until it’s down to two people, the Rook-Dog Round Up is going to be pure pandemonium, brudda!”
Bronson and Neon exchange a handshake. Neon is pulled into a side headlock. Neon quickly turns into the hold; attempting to drive Bronson back into the ropes. Bronson tousles Neon’s hair; mouthing “That’s Cute.” The bigger Bronson relinquishes the hold and informs Neon that he’s allowing her a shoulder tackle attempt.
Tony D: “A bit of overconfidence by Bronson.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “And quite a bit of anger being shown by Gina Neon. Never touch a girl’s hair, Tony.”
Neon feints a running start and clocks Bronson with a Rolling Elbow! Bronson stumbles back and falls through the middle and top ropes.
Tony D: “Big things come in small packages, Treats.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Neon Dynamite, Tony D!”
Disaster slides into the ring behind Neon and tosses her over the top rope; she crashes into Bronson.
Tony D: “Dante Disaster knows this isn’t a battle royal, right?”
Disaster removes his tank top and flexes what little muscle he has.
Mr. Rottentreats: “Put that baby bird chest away!”
Disaster turns to display his physique to another side of the audience and turns into a Jumping Corkscrew Roundhouse Kick from Taiyo! Disaster is out on his feet, but not for long. Taiyo plants him with a Handsrping Cutter!
Mr. Rottentreats: “Darkness has Fallen for Dante Disaster!!”
Kuroi Taiyo quickly covers Dante Disaster.
Art Burns: “Dante Disaster has been Eliminated!”
Tony D: “Kuroi Taiyo just dismantled Dante Disaster.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “OUT OF NOWHERE!!”
Taiyo doesn’t have any time to celebrate, though. Bronson steps through the ropes and goes nose to nose with Taiyo!
Tony D: “Kuroi Taiyo and Bronson are in each other’s faces, Treats!”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Nose to masked covered nose, Tony D!”
Bronson shoves Taiyo and the two men begin trading stiff Overhand Chops! Bronson rocks Taiyo with a stiff Punch and follows with a Leg Kick. Taiyo checks the kick and drops Bronson to a knee with a Leg Kick of his own. Bronson receives a Shining Wizard from Taiyo.
Tony D: “Will that Shining Wizard be enough to put away Bronson?!”
Taiyo hooks the leg as the referee drops to make the count.
Mr. Rottentreats: “I don’t know what was worse, Tony. The leg kick that dropped him or that Shining Wizard. Kuroi Taiyo sure has some educated limbs!”
ONE-Bronson muscles out of the pin attempt; sending Taiyo rolling into the corner. From his knees Bronson clobbers the approaching Taiyo with a left haymaker to the mid-section. Taiyo doubles over as Bronson rises to his feet, then Irish Whips Taiyo.
Tony D: “Darkness is about to Fall again, Treats!”
Taiyo catches a bit too much air on the handspring. Bronson connects with a swift left kick from behind to Taiyo’s knee that drops the masked man to a knee.
Mr. Rottentreats: “Can we get some Rasslin’ up in this piece? What’s with all the strikes?”
Bronson points toward the announce table at Treats.
Tony D: “I think he’s got a bone to pick with you, Treats.”
Bronson honks Taiyo’s nose from behind then cradles his inside leg.
Mr. Rottentreats: “Oh, bitch!”
Bronson sends Taiyo up and over with a Cradled Belly To Back Brainbuster.
Tony D: “BL..”
Bronson bridges up; pinning Taiyo.
Mr. Rottentreats: “Don’t you even call it.”
Art Burns: “Kuroi Taiyo has been eliminated!”
Bronson crawls toward the announce table while yelling “Got Your Nose!” at Treats. Kare measures Bronson; waiting for him to turn.
Tony D: “Bronson just Eliminated Kuroi Taiyo with…”
After running his mouth at Treats, Bronson stands and turns into a Swinging Neck Breaker from Kare.
Mr. Rottentreats: “HA! That’s what you get, punk!”
Kare yanks Bronson away from the ropes for the lateral press.
Tony D: “That Swinging Neck Breaker nearly got the job done, Treats.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “It didn’t though, so Oddmund needs to stay on that neck!”
Kare points at Treats and shouts something in his native tongue.
Mr. Rottentreats: “What is with these Rook-Dogs? Quit worrying about me and rassle!”
Bronson attempts to pull himself up using Kare. Kare paintbrushes Bronson, who rises to a knee. The crowd starts cheering for Bronson; Kare tells them to shut up. Kare paintbrushes and slaps Bronson. Bronson shakes it off and rises to his feet and hauls off with an overhand Chop to the chest of Kare. Kare registers the Chop and returns the favor with an Overhead Chop of his own; Bronson tenses up on impact.
Tony D: “I don’t think you’re going to be able to out chop Oddmund Kare, Bronson.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Bronson said he wants to bang, looks like Oddmund Kare is willing to oblige!”
Bronson hauls off with an elbow to the chin of Kare; wobbling the big man. Kare catches his balance and rebounds off the ropes with a Big Boot. Bronson ducks and Chop Blocks Kare from behind. Kare falls to the canvas pointing at his knee; the referee checks on Kare. Bronson rebounds off the ropes looking for a Yakuza Kick; Alex Marcellus trips Bronson!
Tony D: “The other half of Ragnarok just tripped Bronson while the referee had his back turned.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Clever move for a couple of Rook-Dogs.”
Kare scrambles to cover Bronson.
ONE-KICKOUT! Kare pulls Bronson to his feet and drives him chest first into the nearest corner with a hard Irish Whip. Kare follows in quickly positioning Bronson on the top turnbuckle. Bronson gouges Kare’s eyes; then drives him to the mat with a Rope Hung Neck Breaker. Kare drags Bronson out of the corner and hooks his leg for the in.
Art Burns: “Bronson has been eliminated!”
Tony D: “That God’s Weapon Neck Breaker…”
Mr. Rottentreats: “…just sent Bronson back to the Krazy Glue factory!”
Alex Marcellus hops up on the apron to celebrate with Kare.
Tony D: “Did they forget about Gina Neon?”
Mr. Rottentreats: “If they did they’re about to be reminded!”
Neon sprints across the ring; yelling NEON POWERRRR! Kare turns into a Running Kick from Neon.”
Tony D: “Neon Kick from Gina Neon!”
Marcellus attempts to fan Kare off; then pushes him back into the action. Neon drops Kare to a knee with a front kick to his right leg; yelling “STOP! GINA TIME!” Neon Hammer Dances then nails Kare with the Rolling Elbow as he rises to his feet. Kare falls back, knocking heads with Marcellus; who falls to ringside.
Mr. Rottentreats: “AND THERE’S THE ROLLING ELBOW!”
Tony D: “Two for the price of one, Treats!”
Neon drops a Split Legged Leg drop across Kare and hooks his leg.
Mr. Rottentreats: “Can’t Touch This!”
Security makes their way to the ring to escort Oddmund Kare and Alex Marcellus to the back. The referee raises Gina’s hand in victory.
Art Burns: “Oddmund Kare has been eliminated! And your winner of the Rook-Dog Round Up! THE NEON PRINCESS! GIIINAAA NEEEOOON!!”
The crowd erupts as “Maniac” by Michael Sembello hits the PA.
Tony D: “What a way to kick off …And A Violent New Year, Treats!”
Mr. Rottentreats: “No kidding! What a car crash!”
Tony D: “And it looks like Ragnarok are being escorted to the back.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Do they need to change clothes? I think that’s what they arrived in this evening.”
Tony D: “Congratulations to Gina Neon on winning the first ever Ronie’s Rasslin’ Services Rook-Dog Round Up!”
Mr. Rottentreats: “First ever? Please don’t give Vaughn any ideas, Tony.”
Tony D: “Now, let’s send it to the back where Missy Von Eerie is standing by with Hugo Strange.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Who gave her a live mic?”
The Camera opens to a Ronie’s Rasslin’ Services banner then zooms back to revel Missy Von Strange; wearing a nice black evening gown, accented by her trademark Mohawk.
Missy Von Eerie: “I am Missy Von Strange and I am backstage, joined by Hugo Strange. Hugo can I get your thoughts on tonight.”
Hugo slides into frame wearing wearing a tuxedo t-shirt.
Hugo Strange: “Well Missy my thoughts on tonight. Well, where to start? It is New Year's Eve in the big Apple I am dressed to the nine's!”
Missy Von Eerie: “You’re wearing a tuxedo t-shirt.”
Hugo Strange: “For me this is dressed to the nine’s.”
Missy Von Eerie: “True.”
Hugo Strange: “Back to business! So, yeah we are in New York at the Hammerstein Ballroom! It was in this building I made WARPED history by becoming the first Triple Crown champion. I pinned William Wallace and brought home the WARPED World title.”
Hugo starts pacing back and forth.
Hugo Strange: “Tonight on the final night of the HoliCraze Hell tournament #AndAViolentNewYear I face the man I call teacher and dad in Dylan Daniels. It is not every day you get to cross something off you're bucket list and that is what I am going to do. Dylan this isn’t just about my bucket list. It is also about finally showing the man you made me into. All those hoops you made me jump through not just for daughter, but to just learn from you. Dylan tonight I am going to pay you back for all the hard lessons you ever taught me and trust me the pleasure is going to be all mine.
Hugo walks off camera a few seconds later Hugo comes back Missy just stares at him.
Hugo Strange: “Oh Dylan, just so you know Kandi Washington hit harder than you ever did.”
Hugo smiles and winks at the camera and then walks off.
Missy Von Eerie: “Dad you shouldn't have said her name now you have to deal with him.”
Missy walks off camera.
The scene opens to a shot of Dylan Daniels pulling a black sequins robe over his broad shoulders. An over the shoulder shot shows the tail end of Hugo Strange’s very personal interview. Dylan Daniels simply shakes his head.
Dylan Daniels: “This is why I didn’t want this, Hugo. I knew you would bring family into it. Specifically our family.”
Dylan cringes at the thought of Hugo Strange being his Son-In-Law.
Dylan Daniels: “Don’t get me wrong, son. I’m thankful for those grandkids. But I didn’t sign up for any of this.
Dylan waves his finger around.
Dylan Daniels: “I didn’t sign up to be part of your little quest for a father figure, that was on them. I don’t recall signing a permission slip for my daughter Missy to date you. You did that behind my back. And I sure as hell didn’t sign up for the opportunity to beat my Son-In-Law like a red-headed step child.”
Dylan turns to peer into the camera.
Dylan Daniels: “But, I’ll sure as hell take it.”
Tony D: “Student, Hugo Strange versus Teacher, Dylan Daniels. Some would say his best student.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Speaking of getting personal! Watch it, Tony…”
Tony D: “One half of the first Elite Duo of WARPED.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “You say that like it’s still poppin’.”
Tony D: “One half of the former WARPED Tag Champions.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “…keyword, former.”
Tony D: “Well, Treats. The Maple Leaf Strike Force were the first.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Whatever, alls I’m tryina say is that the Dirty Mac Attack and I are the current!”
Tony D: “You and Cameron MacNichol haven’t even teamed together!”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Sure we have, we won that Beer Pong tournament that time.”
Tony D: “…moving on. Hugo Strange is also a former WARPED Evolution champion.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Co, Tony Danza.”
Tony D: “And A Former WARPED World Champion!”
Mr. Rottentreats: “…take it away, Art!”
Feedback hits the PA, followed shortly by the drums and distorted guitar of “Willie Nelson” by Clutch.
Art Burns "The following contest is a special Student versus Teacher bout and is set for one fall! Introducing first…”
The Canadian Madman Hugo Strange emerges from behind the curtain. The crowd inside the Hammerstein Ballroom erupts! Hugo Strange makes way down the ramp; fans reaching out into the aisle to pat him on the back and shoulders.
Art Burns "…from Greensboro, North Carolina! He weighed in this morning at Three-Hundred Forty-Five pounds and stands Six Feet, Six Inches tall!”
Hugo pulls himself up to the center of the ring apron with help from the top rope; turning to the crowd with his head down.
Art Burns “The CANADIAN MAAADMAAAN!!”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Make up your mind, Art.”
Art Burns “HUUUUGOOOO SSSSTRRAAAAANNGE!!”
Hugo Strange is showered by red and white streamers as he enters the ring through the middle and top ropes; spinning into the center. The referee quickly clears the ring. The lights die out. Lights on the entranceway begin pulsing with the guitars of “Mother” By Danzig.
Mr. Rottentreats: “Holy Throw Back Thursday, Batman!”
Art Burns “And his opponent! He hails from Asheville, North Carolina! He weighed in at Two-Hundred Forty-Two pounds this morning and stands Six Feet, Three Inches tall!”
A single spotlight reveals Dylan Daniels with his back to the light and wearing a black sequined robe that reads The Massacre in silver sequins. He spins around to saunter down the aisle way; exchanging occasional hand slaps with fans.
Tony D: “That’s an impressive robe, you don’t see those too often these days, Treats.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Wait until you see what he’s hiding under there, Tony D!”
Art Burns “The MAAAASSAACRE!””
Dylan Daniels bends to tap the corners of the top two ring steps before ascending them.
Mr. Rottentreats: “Dylan Daniels paying tribute to those dastardly identity thieving brothers of his.”
Tony D: “Weren’t they your uncles?”
Mr. Rottentreats: “I stand by what I said, Tony.”
Dylan wipes his boots before stepping through the ropes and approaching the center of the ring; untying his robe.
Art Burns “DYYYLLAAAAN DAAAAANIIEELLLLSS!”
Dylan Daniels disrobes just as he’s showered with Black and White streamers.
Tony D: “A show of respect by the New York crowd, Treats.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “It’s New Year’s Eve, Tony. They’re just drunk!”
The referee clears the ring; Art Burns exits. Dylan Daniels flexes his newly chiseled physique for the crowd.
Tony D: “Dylan Daniels is showing off quite the impressive new physique tonight, Treats.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Personally, I wonder if that extra muscle is going to hinder his cardiovascular conditioning.”
Tony D: “Same could be said for the extra weight Hugo Strange has added to his frame.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “What are you trying to say, Tony? You callin’ Hugo fat or somethin’?”
Tony D: “No, I.. Uh.”
The referee signals for the bell.
Tony D: “There’s the bell, Treats! I’m not quite sure what to expect between these two.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “I can tell you this, Dylan Daniels has gotta outsmart Hugo, before Hugo can overpower him.”
Strange and Daniels meet in the center of the ring to face off; exchanging inaudible remarks.
Tony D: “Dylan Daniels has already got to be under Hugo Strange’s skin after those remarks about Kan..”
Mr. Rottentreats: “A-TUT-TUT! She’s not to be mentioned in MY presence, Tony!”
Daniels and Strange lock horns! Strange forces the smaller Daniels into the corner with ease. Strange makes a clean break before the referee begins the count. Strange backs away while flexing his biceps and shouting “THAT ALL YA GOT, MUSCLES?!”
Tony D: “The younger Strange is attempting mind games of his own, Treats.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “I would too, Tony. How ya gonna be posing before the match and not back it up! Is Daniels all muscle and no function?”
Daniels pulls on the top rope while brushing off the slight embarrassment of being overpowered by Strange. Daniels shoots in with a quick go-behind; attempting a waist lock. Hugo counters with a waist lock of his own. Daniels blocks Strange’s fingers from locking and quickly locks in a side headlock. Strange attempts to push Daniels off of him; Daniels takes Strange to the mat with a Side Headlock Take Over. Strange quickly uses his forearm and leg to manipulate Daniels into a Headscissors. Daniels escapes the Head Scissors rapidly. Strange hops to his feet to face off with Daniels; to a round of applause.
Tony D: “They seem to be in the midst of a feeling out process.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Feeling out, shmeeling out. This is Rasslin’, Tony D!”
Daniels applies another side headlock; Strange shoves Daniels into the corner before it’s locked in. Thinking Strange charged in behind him; Daniels slingshots into the air looking to land behind Strange. Strange schoolboys Daniels as soon as he lands. Daniels kicks out before the referee drops to count; Strange attempts to lock in Stretch Muffler! The crowd cheers.
Tony D: “Canadian Deathlock! He’s looking to finish this one early, Treats!”
Daniels grabs the bottom rope. Strange breaks the hold immediately.
Mr. Rottentreats: “Close, but no Purp Filled Bliggity! Dylan Daniels grabbed the rope!”
Strange pushes Daniels off of him; Daniels backs into a corner favoring his leg. Strange lets Daniels know he almost had him before approaching him in the corner. Daniels signals for a time out and points to his leg.
Tony D: “There are no time outs in wrestling!”
Mr. Rottentreats: ”There should be!”
Strange refuses to allow Daniels time to recover. Strange’s eagerness proves to be a mistake and he eats the middle turnbuckle!
Tony D: “Dylan Daniels just used Hugo Strange’s own ring gear against him and pulled him down into the turnbuckle!”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Hugo clearly tripped, Tony D. There’s a wrinkle in the ring canvas!”
Daniels pulls himself up to his feet; unable to put too much pressure on his right leg. Blocking out the pain Daniels rebounds off the ropes as Strange attempts to shake off the middle turnbuckle. Hugo pops up and ducks a lariat from Daniels; Daniels comes to a dead stop at the ropes. Strange applies a Double Chicken-Wing and sends Daniels flying backwards with a release Tiger Suplex! Daniels flips in midair to land on his feet then stumbles to the opposite corner; still favoring the right leg.
Tony D: “Dylan Daniels landed hard on that leg, Treats.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “No kidding, Tony D! Dylan needs to remember just because he looks twenty again doesn’t mean that he should act like it.”
The crowd erupts in a “YOU STILL GO IT!” chant! Daniels exits to the apron and cups his ear; playing to the crowd. Hugo rises to a knee while measuring Daniels from inside the ring. Daniels waves off the crowd’s reaction just in time to turn into a Discus Axe Handle Smash from Hugo!
Mr. Rottentreats: “VORTEX HAMMAAAA!!”
Daniels drops off the apron to the ringside mats. Strange slips his upper body through the middle and top rope; yelling “HE’S ABOUT TO LOSE IT!” The crowd roars!
Tony D: “Looked like Hugo Strange caught Dylan Daniels in the temple!”
Mr. Rottentreats: “See what showing off gets ya, Tony?!”
Hugo charges the opposite ropes to gain momentum; the crowd rises in anticipation.
Tony D: “Hugo Strange is looking to fly!”
Mr. Rottentreats: “For the love of the Carnival, please don’t hop to the top rope!”
Strange feints a dive before wagging his finger then pointing to the top rope; shouting “MOOSESAULT!” The crowd is in a frenzy!
Dylan pulls himself to his knees with help from the ring apron.
Tony D: “Hugo Strange is going to the top!”
Hugo breaks the count by ascending the top rope.
Mr. Rottentreats: “…not for long!”
Daniels crotches Strange on the top turnbuckle then re-enters the ring.
Tony D: “They’re right above us, Treats. And I do not like where this is going.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “If it goes there, I’m tripping you. Every man for himself!”
Daniels repositions Strange to sit on the top turnbuckle with his back to the ring, then flashes a crucifix pose.”
Tony D: “Daniels is signaling for that Cliffhanger DDT, Treats. If he spikes Hugo Strange…”
Daniels attempts to position himself on the middle rope.
Mr. Rottentreats: “…it’ll be a Great Disappointment! Get it, Tony?!”
Strange catches Daniels with a Headlock and fires off with a series of stiff Head Butts! Daniels goes limp! Strange bites Daniels’ forehead before allowing him to fall to the canvas; the crowd erupts! Strange signals for the Moonsault as the crowd yells “MOOOSSESAULT!!” in unison.
Tony D: “Hugo Strange is going for that Moosesault again, Treats.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “He still looks dazed, Tony. Hugo’s usually a bit quicker than that.”
Strange flips back into the ring with a Moonsault; Daniels rolls out of the way! Strange crashes to the canvas leaving Daniels to thank the heavens from the corner.
Tony D: “Dylan Daniels is thanking his lucky stars.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “He should be! That’s a big moose!”
The crowd starts stomping and clapping in attempt to rally both combatants.
Tony D: “Dylan Daniels is feeling the adrenaline.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Hugo looks to be out cold. Pin hi-what are you doing, Dyldo?!”
Now on his feet, Dylan lifts himself up to the bottom rope then leaps and splashes Hugo.
Tony D: “Looks like Dylan Daniels is Casting Shadows, Treats.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Extremely vascular shadows.”
Daniels shakes the pain from his knee before pulling himself up to the middle rope.
Tony D: “If Daniels can hit the trifecta of splashes it’s over, Treats.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “I wonder if three of Daniels splashes equal the wrecking ball like effect of Hugo’s Moosesault?”
A portion of the crowd perpendicular to the announce table erupt in jeers; the camera zooms in on Oddmund Kare & Alex Marcellus making their way through the crowd to two empty ringside seats; each holding a ticket above their heads.
Tony D: “I thought they were escorted out after the Rook-Dog Round Up?”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Vaughn isn’t going to like this.”
Daniels takes flight again with another splash; this time from the middle rope. Daniels rolls out to the ring apron. Most of the crowd is cheering Daniels on, the rest are attempting to rally Strange. Daniels captures the whole crowd’s attention, causing them to erupt.
Tony D: “This crowd is heavily behind Daniels now, Treats.”
Daniels stands up tall on the middle rope and signals that he’s about to take flight.
Mr. Rottentreats: “Of course they are. He just threw up the international signal for flips ‘n’ shit!”
Suddenly the handheld camera keeping an eye on the action hits the ringside mats!
Tony D: “What the hell?”
The view switches to the hard camera just in time to show Oddmund Kare shove Dylan Daniels off the top rope.
Mr. Rottentreats: “UNK LOO-“
The headsets are dead, but the Jib Camera view kicks in showing Treats signaling for a medic. Dylan Daniels lies in a heap of table shrapnel. Oddmund and Alex, the team of Ragnarok are seemingly quite pleased with their actions. Alex snatches the microphone away from Art Burns before directing Oddmund to the ring; saying “No Time For Clowns.” Missy Von Eerie makes her way to ringside to check on her father.
Alex Marcellus: “Don’t worry about the big one, I don’t need you throwing your back out.”
Alex Marcellus’ words are brought to a halt before he can even begin. The crowd loses their shit when they see Andy LeBeau darting to the ring! LeBeau rounds the ring post and slides across the apron on his knee to the opposite ring post. Ragnarok are challenging LeBeau to step through the ropes; the smaller Alex Marcellus with microphone at the ready!
Tony D: “…we back on?”
Mr. Rottentreats: “…I hate this building, Tony.”
Tony D: “Get your head back in the action, Treats. Show must go on.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Looks like Alex Marcellus is ready to drive the wrong end of that microphone into Andy LeBeau’s nug bone, Tony! …that better?”
LeBeau continues to stall as Ragnarok step over a seemingly unaware Hugo Strange. Marcellus closes in on LeBeau, but pauses when he notices Kare isn’t beside him. Kare is struggling to get away from Hugo strange!
Tony D: “There’s still some fight left in Hugo Strange!”
Alex Marcellus charges at Andy LeBeau with the microphone; LeBeau blocks it. LeBeau rocks Marcellus and causes him to stagger back into a low-blow from Missy Von Eerie!
Mr. Rottentreats: “Missy get out of the damn ring!!”
Marcellus rolls out of the ring holding his groin. Kare fights free from Hugo and snatches Missy Von Eerie up by the hair.
Tony D: “What are you doing, Treats?”
LeBeau catches a chair that was thrown into the ring by Treats..
Mr. Rottentreats: “Assisting.”
Kare draws his fist back and throws a punch; Missy ducks! Kare drops to his ass and evades the chair shot from LeBeau then rolls out of the ring. Kare assists Marcellus to his feet and they back up the ramp; almost backing into Vaughn Ronie Jr.
Tony D: “Why is Vaughn Ronie Junior on the ramp with a clipboard in his hand?”
Mr. Rottentreats: “He’s got a microphone, hush and maybe we’ll find out!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Gentlemen…”
Ragnarok let out exasperated sighs before turning to see Vaughn Ronie Jr. holding a clipboard high above his head.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Was all of this really necessary? I know what you want. It’s respect, right? To be acknowledged by your peers as a tag team. Ragnarok, right?”
Ragnarok give Vaughn Ronie Jr. their undivided attention.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “I hold in my hands a legally binding contract for a tag team match. Ragnarok versus Hugo Strange and a partner of his choosing.”
Alex Marcellus: “Whatever, give me the pen!”
Alex Marcellus begins signing his name immediately upon receiving the pen.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “…it could be Andy LeBeau, or Missy Von Eerie. After all, Dylan Daniels is her father.”
Alex Marcellus: “I’m reeeaal scared!”
Vaughn points out Alex still holding his groin.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “Looks like you should be.”
Marcellus angrily hands the pen over to Kare; who begins signing.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “…it could be Mr. Rottentreats.”
Oddmund Kare: “Whatever!!”
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “I hope you’re truly o.k. with the consequences of your actions here tonight. Because you’ve pissed off a lot of people.”
Kare slams the pen down into the clipboard. Both members of Ragnarok shoulder check VRJ as they pass him on the ramp.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “…mainly my uncle. KUMA!”
The Tongan Terror King KUMA snatches Marcellus up and tosses him back through the curtain. KUMA and Kare begin going toe to toe and disappear through the curtain.
Tony D: “How are you guys related to a Tongan, Treats?”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Let’s just say our families have been on some crappy flights together. Speaking of family. I’m glad they were able to get my uncle Dylan out of here during all that hoopla.”
Tony D: “We’ll keep you updated on Dylan Daniels condition as the night progresses. Up next we’ve got the Mystery Tag Team Showcase.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “This one will cheer me right up, Tony D! I love tag teams and I love mysteries!”
A Japanese samurai symbol appears on the screen as it stays for a few seconds a wolf then jumps through it as both slowly fade away. The scene then slowly opens as two men in samurai type masks stand in front of the camera. Both men then slowly begin to remove the masks as we see one of the men is none other than Jason Richards. The other is a man we have never seen before as both men stare at the camera as the silence is broken with the sound of Jason’s voice.
Jason Richards: “They say the most dangerous thing in this business is a man with nothing left to lose but there is also another danger and that is a man with friends you know nothing about. The man standing beside me is the modern day Ronin he goes by one name and one name only Rush. Collectively we are known as the Emerald City Death Squad and we have one goal to bring honor and respect back to this sport.
He steps back as Rush now steps to the front as he begins to speak to the camera.
Rush:Three words will define this time and those words are death before dishonor.
Jason now steps to the front as both make a zero fear symbol with their hands as the screen goes black
Tony D: “Up next we’ve got the Mystery Tag Team Showcase, Treats.”
Mr. Rottentreats: ”The much speculated on Mystery Tag Team Showcase, Tony D! I’m all kinds of excited for this one! If it’s anything like the match from Helluva F’nXmas, it’ll be some much needed comic relief! Take it away, Art!”
Art Burns: “The following contest is the Mystery Tag Team Showcase and is set for one fall!”
The lights in the arena go out as “Thrill Switch” by Cut One begins to play.
Jason Richards and Rush step through the curtain wearing traditional Japanese masks they stand side by side and slowly bow
Art Burns: “Introducing first, from Seattle, Washington! At a combined weight of four-hundred six pounds! The Strong Style Wolf, Jason Richards and RRRUUUUSSSSHH!!”
Tony D: “Jason Richards is coming off of a loss in the HoliCraze Hell TOURnament, Treats.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “A loss that managed to earn my respect, imagine that! Nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to being pinned by the Ultra-violent Perfectionist, Grade A, Patrick Kay, though!”
Emerald City Death Squad then begin making their way down to the ring. Treats stands up, applauding Jason Richards; Richards gives him a cautious, yet stern look.
Mr. Rottentreats: “The fuck’s his problem? How a muthafacko gonna mean mug me when I’m showing him respect?”
Tony D: “Language, Treats.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Language?! We’re on Pay-Per-View, Tony D! Besides, what’s that first R in RRS stand for?”
Tony D: “...Ronie.”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Exactly, and this Ronie calls it like he sees it!”
Richards and Rush each extend a hand on either side of the ramp, collecting high fives from the fans while making their way towards the ring. Richards and Rush head to opposite sides of the ring, before jumping up together and heading through the ropes. Heading into the middle of the ring, the men remove their masks and spit emerald green mist into the air before heading to their corner, with Richards giving Rottentreats another glance.
Mr. Rottentreats: “Richards needs to get over it. I’ve beat his ass, like four, five, six times!”
Art Burns: “And their opponents!”
The house lights die down.
”I don’t see nothin’ wrooong…”
Mr. Rottentreats: “That can’t be.. Is that?”
”…with a lil somethin’ somethin’!”
Art Burns: “Hailing from the Dirty Lil Girl Adult Entertainment Complex in Charlotte, North Caroooliinaa by way of the Carnival Grounds!!”
Tony D: “Looks like it is, Treats!”
Mr. Rottentreats: “Why wasn’t I informed about this?”
The mashup of R. Kelly’s Bump N’ Grind & Insane Clown Posse’s Lil Somethin’ Something’ continues to play. “Dee-Licious” Douglas Divine appears in the center of the entranceway; illuminated by a single spotlight.
Art Burns: “At a combined weight of four-hundred twenty pounds!”
Divine gyrates his way down the aisleway; his baby oil covered upper body glistening in the light.
Art Burns: “Dee-licious Doouuglaaaass Diiiviiiine and MIIIIIIISTAAAH ROTTEEENNTREEEAATS, The Adult Entertainment Xpreessss!!”
Upon reaching ringside Divine’s voice can be heard over the headsets.
Douglas Divine: “Tag team action, Brizzbone!”
Mr. Rottentreats: “...fuck! But, who’s going to call the action with Tone Loc, here?”
“Abominationz” by Twiztid cuts off the AEX music.
Mr. Rottentreats: “...please don’t be Starr, please don’t be Starr.”
Crowbar jumps the railing behind the commentary table. He walks up behind Mr. Rottentreats and puts a hand on his shoulder. Treats readies himself to throw down.
Crowbar: “Relax, I got this man. After what happened to Dylan Daniels. Ya need a fun distraction!”
Mr. Rottentreats reluctantly hands his headset to Crowbar. Divine and Treats simultaneously leap up to the ring apron; then ascend the turnbuckles facing the crowd. Divine removes his tear away pants; revealing his hot pink wrestling trunks with AEX on the ass. Treats removes his plaid sport coat; dropping it down to the new commentary table. Both men grab the top rope and slide over; chest to turnbuckle. Entering their corner Divine initiates a game of rochambeau with Treats to see who starts the match. Divine throws paper; Treats throws scissors. Noticing that Jason Richards is starting for ECDS; Treats changes his to rock. Divine mouths “the fuck?”
Tony D: “Mr. Rottentreats just sat here claiming to have respect for Jason Richards. Now he’s not even wanting to be in the ring with him.”
Crowbar settles into the seat left by Treats and throws the headset on after standing and applauding Divine and Treats.
Crowbar: “Tony D! Long time! What a night, so far! Shame about Dylan Daniels. How you been eh?”
Tony D: “Yeah, it’s been nearly three years, right? Since you and those miscreants disrupted operations for WARPED.”
Crowbar: “That long? Damn, something like that. What was with Richards and the other guy I can’t remember the name ofs intro? They ain’t Japanese damnit. Also, Treats is being smart in his strategy, you watch!”
The bell rings.
Mr. Rottentreats and Rush exit to the apron in their respective corners; Richards is visually disappointed in Treats not wanting to lock up with him. Divine and Richards circle the ring; the crowd begins a slow clap. Divine and Richards meet in the center of the ring with a snug collar and elbow tie up; the clapping reaches a frenzy.
Tony D: “These fans in the Hammerstein Ballroom have been on fire all night, Crowbar.”
Crowbar: “True that, I’ve been sitting in the crowd and damn they’re loving this, hell, I’M loving this!..well, mostly.”
Divine and Richards struggle in the lockup; Richards attempting to drive Divine into a neutral corner. The taller Divine puts the brakes on; attempting a spinning wristlock. Richards quickly rolls forward; then to his back. Divine face palms Richards before he can attempt to kip up; shouting “NOT TODAY, LITTLE GUY!”
Tony D: “Divine seems to be a little bit too confident tonight. I wouldn’t expect that after the loss he and Gordo suffered to the Wonders Of Seishin, Tits ‘n’ Ass at Helluva F’nXmas.”
Crowbar: “I watched that, and I’m definitely going to have to agree with you for once, he’s being way too cocky tonight, just because Treats is your partner doesn’t mean act like a fuckin’ idiot!”
From his back Richards hauls off with a kick to the head of Divine. Divine stumbles back and drops to his knees; then hurriedly makes his way to AEX’s corner. Divine hugs the waist of Treats; Treats massages Divine’s head. A section of the crowd in AEX’s corner shout homophobic slurs; Treats reacts by shouting “IT’S TWO-THOUSAND FIFTEEN FOR FUCK’S SAKE!”
Tony D: “Looks like this hostile New York crowd is already under Mr. Rottentreats’ skin, Crowbar.”
Crowbar: “Homophobic morons. Treats needs to focus though, I know the man, you wave a fuckin’ shiny thing in front of him and his attention turns, though I love the man, don’t get me wrong….not that way, New York.”
The referee motions that the tag has been made due to contact between Treats and Divine. Treats reluctantly slingshots himself into the ring; Divine exits. Treats feints charging at Richards only to turn and tag Divine back in. Divine excitedly slingshots himself back into the ring; Richards grows visibly more disappointed in Treats.
Tony D: “I can’t tell if Mr. Rottentreats is actually scared of Jason Richards, or he’s just playing mind games, Crowbar. You know him better than I do. what do you think?”
Crowbar: “Well...uh...honestly I’m not quite sure, maybe column A and column B at this point, but for all anyone knows he just doesn’t feel like fighting, which I couldn’t blame him for, if he’s still hurtin’ from Grendel!”
Divine raises his right hand and points to it; shouting “TEST OF STRENGTH, LITTLE MAN!!” Richards surveys the crowd; they warn Richards not to trust Divine. Divine mockingly drops to his knees. Richards flies through the air with a front dropkick to the face of Divine!
Crowbar: “Fuckin….ouch! Bad move, Dougie!”
Tony D: “Obviously Jason Richards small stature is a sore subject.”
Crowbar: “And probably not the best thing to mock, either, if you like your nose where it is”
Divine rolls to a seated position in a neutral corner; checking his nose for blood. Richards immediately crowds Divine; as the Dee-Licious one pulls himself to his feet. Richards fires off a round of Machine Gun Chops to his chest; the crowd erupts! Divine falls to the canvas at the halfway point to Treats; using the ropes for guidance.
Tony D: “Divine is attempting to make the tag, but I don’t think Mr. Rottentreats wants anything to do with it, Crowbar.”
Crowbar: “Yeah, he doesn’t look too enthusiastic that Divine is even moving his way. Come on Treats, what’re you doing man! ...he needs a fire lit under his ass, where’s Grendel?!”
Richards cuts Divine off with a Springboard Enzuigiri; sending Divine over the middle rope and to the floor.
Tony D: “Divine better be careful not to be counted out, we all know how Mr. Rottentreats feels about those.”
Crowbar: “Mr Rottencountout!”
Crowbar: “Come on Dougie!”
Divine brings himself up to all fours; reaching for the guardrail.
Tony D: “Jason Richards is wise not to interrupt the count.”
Divine pulls himself to a knee; facing the crowd.
Crowbar: “Come on Richards! Who the hell enjoys winning by count out?! ...er, well….besides Treats, and that’s usually a loss, but point still stands!”
Treats lightly smacks the turnbuckle in his corner; seemingly disinterested in rallying his tag team partner.
Tony D: “I think GRENDEL may have powerbombed Mr. Rottentreats one too many times, Crowbar. He’s allowing Divine to be counted out!”
Crowbar: “Of course he is, ….I don’t know why, other than to get it over with. God damnit! I’m bored!”
Richards charges AEX’s corner; breaking the count. The Strong Style Wolf springboards off the perpendicular ropes; Treats ducks! Divine stands and turns into a crossbody from Richards; sending both Divine and Richards into the guardrail. The crowd erupts in a Strong Style Wolf chant!
Crowbar: “Woo! Action!”
Tony D: “That was a close one for Mr. Rottentreats! And it seems as though Jason Richards doesn’t want to win via countout either, Crowbar.”
Crowbar: “It’s a hollow victory winning by count out Tony, trust me.”
Richards clutches his midsection; soaking in the adulation of the New York crowd.
Richards grabs a handful of hair and tosses Divine under the bottom rope; sliding in behind him to break the count. Richards immediately attempts a lateral press.
Tony D: “That referee isn’t going to count with Richards feet under the ropes, Crowbar.”
Crowbar: “Come on Ref! Stop getting short with Richards!”
Richards frustratingly rolls Divine away from the ropes to attempt another lateral press.
ONE-KICKOUT! Richards shouts at the referee for being too slow.
Tony D: “I’m not sure this change in attitude is going to bode well for Jason Richards tonight.”
Crowbar: “I think he’s just developed a Napoleonic Complex….or Complex type 2”
Divine sits up; reaching for Treats in the AEX corner. Treats nonchalantly steps up on the middle rope; reaching for the tag. Richards hauls off with a stiff kick to the back of Divine; causing Divine to writhe about. Divine sits back up; Richards kicks him again.
Tony D: “If Divine doesn’t do something quick, Richards may rupture a kidney with those kicks!”
Divine rolls out of the ring to regroup; Treats drops off the apron for the huddle.
Divine lightly shoves Treats away; before grasping at his back. Treats obliges; giving Divine his space.
Tony D: “Trouble in paradise for Adult Entertainment Xpress, Crowbar.”
Divine wisely rounds the corner to use the commentary team as a shield; patting Tony D on the back and asking him “How’s it feel to finally call one of my matches, Tony?!”
Tony D: “I wouldn’t know, Douglas. There hasn’t been much of a match to call!”
Crowbar: “When the fuck did we become human shields? Am I getting paid to take a hit?!”
Divine waves off Tony D’s response before sliding into the ring. Richards is quick to apply a side headlock. Divine backs Richards into the ropes; attempting to send him to the opposite ropes. Richards drags Divine to the canvas. Divine rolls Richards to his shoulders; Richards rolls himself back to an advantageous position before the referee can count. Divine rolls Richards back over; using his tights.
Richards releases the hold and rolls backward to his feet; telling the referee that Divine pulled his tights.
Crowbar: “Jesus, Richards is way too ninja like for me. Fuck.”
Tony D: “Jason Richards is indeed one of the more athletic competitors in this contest. I’m looking forward to seeing what Rush can do, though.”
The referee informs Richards that he didn’t see the tights being used for leverage.
Crowbar: “You know me, I’m a fan of Divine and Treats, there’s history there, but damnit, that’s just plain dodgy...eh, who am I to talk.”
Divine begs off; backing into the corner. Richards approaches Divine in the corner. Divine pulls Richards down by the tights; driving him face first into the middle turnbuckle. Treats jumps up and down in a state of hysteria on the apron begging for the tag!
Tony D: “Mr. Rottentreats wants that tag now, Crowbar!”
Crowbar: “About damned time! Get in there buddy!”
Divine stomps Richards in the corner; following the stomps up with boot scrapes to the face. Divine places his hands on his head and gyrates before rebounding off the ropes in the AEX corner; returning with a Face Wash. The referee signals that there was a tag made by Mr. Rottentreats. Divine exits the ring before the referee can begin the five count. Treats feints Tightrope Walking the top rope and drops down to the canvas just as Divine pulls himself back up to the apron in the AEX corner. Treats quickly tags Divine back in; the crowd jeers wildly.
Tony D: “What is Mr. Rottentreats’ deal? Even when he’s got the advantage he doesn’t want anything to do with Jason Richards.”
Crowbar: “What the hell was that?! I’m….I….I just don’t know anymore, really. Is he scared of Jason?!”
Treats hears Crowbar yelling and replies; “HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KICKED BY HIM?! IT FUCKIN’ HURTS!” Divine charges the corner with a Bronco Buster attempt; Richards moves. Richards rolls to the ECDS corner to tag in his partner Rush. Divine somehow keeps himself from crotching the turnbuckle.
Tony D: “Maybe Mr. Rottentreats won’t be so reluctant to square off with Rush.”
Divine and Rush lock up; Treats excitedly begs to be tagged in. Divine drives Rush into the AEX corner with an Eye Gouge; the referee reprimands Divine. Divine shoulder thrusts Rush before tagging Treats in and exiting to the apron. Treats grabs the top rope and slingshots himself in; performing a headstand on the top turnbuckle. Treats drops down with a Stalling Slingshot Dropkick to the seated Rush. Rush rolls out of the corner; clutching his chest. Treats stays on him with a lateral press; grinding his forearm across Rush’s nose in the process. Rush kicks out when the referee drops down to count. Treats paintbrushes Rush; shouting “COME ON, ROOK-DOG!”
Tony D: “Where’s this confidence when it’s time to lock up with Richards?”
Crowbar: “I don’t give a fiddlers fuck, my boys there showing Rush how it’s fuckin’ done!”
Tony D: “Language, Crowbar!”
Crowbar: “I’m sorry, Tony Daddy! I’ll be a good widdle boy!”
Treats’ paintbrushes turn into a series of cross faces. Richards is nearly glowing red in the corner rallying the crowd behind Rush. Treats grasps the small tuft of hair atop Rush’s head; positioning him on all fours. Treats shouts “THIS IS FOR YOU, DOGGY!” at Richards; before performing a series of Shin Kicks to the face of Rush. Richards jumps in the ring; the referee cuts him off.
Tony D: “Jason Richards needs to remain calm. Mr. Rottentreats is no slouch when it comes to getting under someone’s skin.”
Crowbar: “Looks like this was his plan all along, get Rush and cause Richards to do something stupid, I like it!”
Treats Irish Whips Rush in to the AEX corner. The clown handsprings into a cartwheel, coming to a stop in front of Rush; Treats pokes Rush in the eye. Rush swings wildly; Treats ducks. THe clown Fish Hooks Rush’s nose; shouting “GOT YOUR NOSE!!” Richards returns to the apron; the referee turns his attention back to the action.
Crowbar: “Haaahahahahahahahahahahah…..holy shit I can’t breathe!”
Tony D: “And this may be it for the Emerald City Death Squad. That’s how he managed to put GRENDEL away at Helluva F’nXmas to retain the WARPED Evolution Championship!”
Crowbar: “*heavy breathing*”
Treats tags in Divine before cradling Rush’s inside leg; the referee signals the tag.
Rush drives the point of his elbow into the top of Treats head.
Divine ascends the top rope and begins gyrating.
Treats attempts the Cradled Belly To Back Brain Buster; Rush manages to flip out of it.
Rush lands on his feet; Treats rolls out of the ring before the Referee hits five. Rush manages to duck under a Top Rope Seated Senton from Divine. Divine turns and somehow ducks a superkick from Rush. Rush turns into a vicious Spine Buster from Divine. Divine slithers between Rush’s legs and hooks his knees; thrusting his crotch in Rush’s face as the referee counts.
TW - A look of absolute pain crosses Divine’s face!
Tony D: “Rush is head butting Divine in the groin! That’s a unique way to get out of that pinning predicament, Crowbar.”
Crowbar: “What the...is Rush trying to bl….oh...that’s new….clever I’ll say, painful as hell too. Maybe that’ll learn him not to thrust into opponents! However, as the saying goes, what’s seen cannot be unseen, and I’m going to have nightmares about Rush and Divines crotch, thanks guys!”
Divine falls forward; holding his groin. Treats attempts to rally his partner as the referee reprimands Rush. Rush isn’t all that aware of the referee’s warning; being a bit dazed. Richards and the crowd are in a frenzy for Rush. Rush crawls toward the ECDS corner; Richards smacking the top turnbuckle and stomping the apron. Treats is doing the same in the AEX corner for Divine. Divine manages to tag in Treats. Treats slingshots himself into the ring; quickly grabbing Rush’s leg and dragging him back into the AEX corner.
Crowbar: “Boom! Treats with the quickness there preventing a tag he probably doesn’t want.”
Tony D: “Judging by how rapidly he cut Rush off, I can assure you that’s a tag Mr. Rottentreats doesn’t want happening.”
Rush rolls over to his back attempting to kick Treats away. Treats jumps through Rush’s legs with a Standing Double Stomp. Still standing on Rush; Treats makes eye contact with Richards. The clown yells “SIDESHOW STRONG STYLE, BITCH!”; then jumps into the air and comes crashing down with a Standing Moonsault!
Tony D: “That’s something we’ve never seen from Mr. Rottentreats, Crowbar.”
Crowbar: “Damn, nice move that.”
The referee drops for the count.
TW - Richards slingshots into the ring and makes contact with a vicious boot to the side of Treats’ head. Treats laughs maniacally as he rolls to AEX corner to tag Divine. The Referee backs Richards into the ECDS corner.
Tony D: “If Jason Richards isn’t careful, he’s going to get disqualified. He can’t let Mr. Rottentreats continue to get under his skin.”
Divine slingshots in as Richards exits to the apron. The referee tells Divine he didn’t see a tag! A furious Treats re-enters the ring and begins laying the boots to Rush, one limb at a time; grasping at his head everytime he moves to the next limb.
Tony D: “Looks like that kick from Richards slowed Mr. Rottentreats down, Crowbar.”
Crowbar: “He’s definitely moving a bit slower than you’d expect from him, that’s for damned sure”
Treats finishes the series of stomps with a Spinning Boot Scrape across the face of Rush. Rush sits up holding his face in agony! Treats pushes Rush back down to the mat; performing a lateral press.
ON - KICKOUT! The crowd is heavily in favor of the Emerald City Death Squad; Treats reacts telling them to shut up.
Crowbar: “Tony, I have a question, why the hell did they choose ‘Emerald City Death Squad’? It’s so long you could walk down it goddamnit. If you’re drunk it’d be almost unpronounceable. Shitty, shitty name. AbominationZ was better.”
Tony D: “AbominationZ is an atrocious name as well.”
Crowbar: “You’re such a Killjoy, Tony.”
Treats grabs Rush by the head; attempting to pull him to his feet. Rush begins to fight back! Treats rebounds off the ropes attempting a Big Boot; Rush rolls under and schoolboys the clown!
Tony D: “That was a clever counter by Rush, but he needs to tag in Richards.”
A furious Treats argues with the referee; motioning that his plaid pants were tugged on by Rush. The referee is having none of it. Rush approaches Treats from behind with a Back Slide!
TW - Treats rolls out of the backslide; motioning to the referee that Rush pulled his hair!
Tony D: “Can you believe this, Crowbar?”
Crowbar: “I’m impressed by Rush’s abilities, but why is Treats suddenly trying to make every excuse under the sun?!”
Rush shoves Treats into the ropes; Treats ducks a Rolling Elbow and pivots.
Tony D: “We know what this is!”
Rush and Treats criss-cross the ring; Rush rolls to the ECDS corner to tag Richards! Richards flies through the air; connecting with a Shotgun Dropkick to the side of Treats’ head! Richards pins Treats; yelling “I’M THE FOOT, BIIIIIITCH!”
Tony D: “Vicious Shotgun Dropkick from Jason Richards. With an equally vicious insult!”
Crowbar: “This has to be over!”
THR - KICKOUT!!! Richards is in absolute shock that Treats managed to kick out!
Tony D: “Treats kicked out! Richards can’t believe it and neither can I, Crowbar!”
Crowbar: “You can’t keep a good clown down Tony! Richards was damned close though!”
Richards drags Treats to the ECDS corner by his lime green mane; the referee reprimands the Strong Style Wolf.
Tony D: “Richards needs to be careful blatantly breaking the rules like that. These Ronie’s Rasslin’ Services referees haven’t been known to be too lenient.”
Crowbar: “That’s true, they don’t fuck around. Richards is testing the waters a little too far with some of the moves he’s been pulling since Treats beat the ever loving hell out of Rush earlier in the match.”
Richards pushes the referee to the side to rebound off the opposite ropes. The Strong Style Wolf returns with a stiff Yakuza kick that smears Treats’ face paint! Richards hangs Treats in the Tree of Woe; then tags Rush.
Crowbar: “Oh hell!”
Richards exits to the apron; Treats attempts to pull himself up. Rush ascends the ropes; then drops down with a Double Stomp to the chest of Treats. Treats goes limp! Rush tags Richards in.
Crowbar: “Richards obviously taking the advantage of a damaged Treats here, he’ll probably try and exact revenge on him”
Tony D: “You can’t really blame the man. Mr. Rottentreats has attacked Richards from behind every time they’re supposed to face one another.”
Rush exits to the apron; Richards ascends the ropes.
Crowbar: “True point Tony, true point.”
Rush pulls a limp Treats up by the wrists; Richards connects with a Double Stomp of his own! Rush throws his arms in the air; while being reprimanded by the referee. Divine is steaming in the AEX corner.
Tony D: “So much for Mr. Rottentreats wanting to get under the skin of Jason Richards in the early goings. Looks like he’s paying for it now, Crowbar.”
Crowbar: “Paying for it, but it obviously worked, Richards is going to run out of energy soon, and if Treats can get the tag to Divine, that’s a fresher man than both Richards or Rush.”
Rush shoves Treats legs off the turnbuckle; the clown crumples to the canvas. Richards rebounds off the ropes and connects with a Flashing Elbow to the chest of Treats. The Strong Style Wolf follows that up with a lateral press.
THRE - Treats grabs the bottom rope!
Crowbar: “Holy hell I think I just pissed myself that was close!”
Richards is in disbelief as the referee points out Treats gloved hand grasping the bottom rope. Treats begins laughing uncontrollably; pulling himself to a seated position against the ropes. A distraught Richards makes eye contact with Treats. Richards smacks Treats. The clown checks his face paint; using his glove. Treats glances at the paint on his white glove and laughs it off.
Tony D: “..is Treats enjoying this?”
Richards pulls the clown to his feet and unleashes a flurry of Palm Strikes. Divine hops into the ring; the Referee cuts him off. Rush nails Treats with a kick to the back of the head. Richards clocks Treats with a Rolling Elbow; sending Treats into the ropes chest first Treats rebounds back into Richards. Richards applies a Half Nelson; then drags Treats to the center of the ring. Richards powers Treats up and flips him over; driving him head and neck first into the canvas!
Crowbar: “Fuckin, ouch! He’d be lucky if his neck isn’t broken..and I know broken necks.”
Tony D: “That’s the Wolf’s Cry, Crowbar! If the referee counts, this match is over!”
Crowbar: “I hope the referee is an idiot, then!”
The crowd counts for the referee.
Crowbar: “Hooray for referees who like shiny things!”
The referee finally turns his attention to the pinning predicament; sliding on the canvas to make the count.
THRE - SMACK!!
Tony D: “Divine out of nowhere with that Super Kick!! Emerald City Death Squad nearly had this match won!”
Crowbar: “The Emerald Squad….damn, unlucky for them, lucky for my buddies in there!...Emerald Squad...Emerald City Death Squad...murder using Emeralds? Like emerald jewelry? Huh….*incoherent trailed off contemplative mumbling*”
Divine slides out to the apron in the AEX corner. Rush begins rallying the crowd behind Richards with a Strong Style chant. Half of the crowd begins dueling with a SIDE SHOW chant! The referee initiates a ten count.
Tony D: “Sounds like Mr. Rottentreats and Divine have earned a few fans tonight, Crowbar.
Crowbar: “They always had a fan in me, but this is getting close! My sphincter is tight!”
Divine and Rush pound the top turnbuckle and stomp the ring apron for their partners.
Tony D: “This crowd is hysterical, Crowbar! But if Richards and Treats don’t respond to the count, it’s over!”
Treats and Richards begin to crawl to their respective corners.
Crowbar: “COME ON TREATS, COME ON! MOVE IT!”
Both competitors inch toward their respective corners.
RICHARDS LEAPS TO MAKE THE TAG!! Treats tags in Divine. The crowd loses their shit!
Tony D: “WHAT A TAG!”
Crowbar: “HOW THE FUCK DID THEY MANAGE THAT?!”
Divine slingshots into the ring; charging the ECDS corner. Rush flies through the air and lands on Divine’s shoulders; sending him into a neutral corner with a hurricanrana! Treats attempts to pull himself up in the AEX corner. Rush charges Treats with a shoulder thrust; then backflips out of the corner and connects with an Enziguiri. Treats falls through the middle and top rope.
Crowbar: “Fuck! WHHAAAAT AAA RUUUUUSH TONY!”
Divine charges out of the corner; into a Rolling Elbow from Rush! Richards is lethargically ascending the ropes in the ECDS corner. Rush lifts Divine up; positioning him for a Tombstone. Divine kicks about turning the Tombstone in his favor! Rush uses Divine’s momentum against him and turns over; regaining control. Richards makes the blind tag; the referee signals the tag was made!
Rush spins around to position Divine’s back to ECDS corner.
Tony D: “This doesn’t look too great for Divine, Crowbar!”
Crowbar: “I think we’re looking at the end Tony, as much as I hate to say it, The Emeralds are kicking ass and taking names!”
Richards takes to the air with a Double Foot Stomp; Rush Drops down with the Tombstone Piledriver!
Crowbar: “It’s Over!!!”
Rush rolls out of the ring in the knick of time. Richards crawls on top of Divine for the lateral press.
The bell rings as Treats dives to make the save, a millisecond too late.
Art Burns: “And your winners! RUSH and Jason Richards! The EMMEERRAALD CIIIITY DEEEAAATHH SQUUAAAD!!”
Tony D: “What a tag team contest, Crowbar! The fans in attendance and those watching at home will be talking about this one for quite some time, for sure!”
Crowbar: “Holy hell Tony, that was absolutely insane! My butthole got tight, I nearly choked, and nearly pissed myself, that was a match for the record books all right, as much as I hate to see my boy Treats lose, just….holy hell!”
Art Burns hands the microphone over to Mr. Rottentreats at the clown’s request. The exiting Emerald City Death Squad pause between the ropes at the sound of Mr. Rottentreats’ voice. Treats clutches his neck.
Mr. Rottentreats: “Hold up, hold up, hold up! That was one of the best tag team matches I’ve ever been involved in!”
The Emerald City Death Squad back against the ropes; cautiously paying attention and showing sure signs that they’ve been through a battle.
Mr. Rottentreats: “Jason, I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye.”
Treats’ attempts to hide a chuckle; realizing his last sentence could lead to a height joke.
Mr. Rottentreats: “However, you’ve earned my respect these last two months. Hell, you DOMINATED Pat Gordon Jr. at PURE Hell! Something I willingly admit that I can’t seem to do.”
Treats points out Patrick Kay’s image on the giant Patrick Kay versus Johnny Raike vinyl HoliCraze Hell TOURnament banner that’s hanging in the center of the top balcony.
Mr. Rottentreats: “You went toe to thumbtack covered toe with Patrick Kay in a match type that he lives for! My favorite part, nah it wasn’t you utilizing my F’nXmas stocking. It was that super dope powerbomb into that Barbwire Trampoline! And you just whooped my ass...”
Treats extends his white glove covered hand.
Mr. Rottentreats: “...I don’t do this often. Ya know what, I never do this.”
Mr. Rottentreats points to his attempt at a show of sportsmanship. Jason Richards violently snatches the microphone from Mr. Rottentreats; Treats chuckles in amusement.
Jason Richards: “You’re right I went through one of the best wrestlers in the world, Pat Gordon Jr. Then I walked in to hell with PKA now I may not have walked out the victor, but I feel like everyone is finally taking me seriously. I guess everyone but you right, JB Ronnie?”
Jason Richards accepts the handshake. Treats tenses up at the sound of his real name, mouthing “It’s pronounced Row-Knee!” “Dee-Licious” Douglas Divine stumbles to the center of the ring; he and Rush exchange a cautious handshake.
Jason Richards: “Or let's just call it for what it is, Jabronie.”
Treats attempts to pull his hand back in anger; Jason Richards clinches Treats hand tightly. Out of nowhere REDEFINEPro’s John Pariah blasts Divine with a Rolling Elbow; sending him to ringside! Richards releases his grip on Treats’ hand.
Tony D: “is that?”
Crowbar: “Pariah!? What the fuck is he doing here?!”
Treats swings; Richards ducks! Pariah catches Treats and drops him with a modified God Killer(Fisherman Brain Buster); dropping Treats onto his bad shoulder instead of his head!
Tony D: “John Pariah seems to have an axe to grind with Mr. Rottentreats! And he’s targeting that surgically repaired shoulder!”
The crowd is booing loudly as John Pariah stands in the middle of the ring. He smirks as he picks up the WARPED Evolution Championship Belt, and looks it over; disgusted by the sight of it.
Crowbar: “Pariah has the WARPED Evolution Championship! Get the bastard!”
Richards and Pariah “Too Sweet” each other; Pariah accepting the microphone from Richards. The Emerald City Death Squad exit the ring with a look of accomplishment on their faces.
John Pariah: “Treats, old friend…you’re lying in a WARPED ring tonight. That’s problem number one…WARPED. You see-I’ve been through that locker room-and let me tell you something-there’s a reason Joey and PKA are raging alcoholics. Because everything this stands for…is absolute trash and garbage!”
He throws the WARPED Evolution Title down, and steps on it. ”
Tony D: “Mr. Rottentreats isn’t going to take too kindly to that, Crowbar.”
Crowbar: “No kidding! I’ve held that belt, it’s worth more than your own family! That motherfucker!”
Pariah lifts his shirt to reveal his custom ICONIC Championship; he unsnaps it and slings it over his shoulder.
John Pariah: ”Treats-you are clinging to the past, to a relic. To this notion-that ‘hardcore wrestling’ is something people want…”
Crowd, Crowbar joining in: “SHUT THE FUCK UP! *clap clap clapclapclap* SHUT THE FUCK UP!”
Pariah sits down on the mat, next to a writhing Rottentreats; the clown clutching his shoulder.
John Pariah: “You see-you couldn’t hold a candle to me, to Jason Richards, to anyone on my roster….because you’re just not good enough for our roster. I am…REDEFINE Pro Wrestling, and I am the very archetype the company was built on. I am the base DNA for the state of professional wrestling right now, I am ICONIC….and you?”
Pariah lowers himself near Treats’ head; face palming the clown. Pariah rubs his index finger and thumb together in disgust at the face paint; continuing.
John Pariah: “You’re just a god damned clown. Coming out here during the holidays, and corrupting the minds of today's youth with your garbage, filth, and debauchery. This isn’t wrestling..it’s a fucking horror show. You.”
Pariah pulls Treats up by the hair to a seated position.
John Pariah: ”Your brother Vaughn Ronnie Jr, you’re both responsible for something you’re calling a “Clown Renaissance”?”
Pariah points at Vaughn Ronie Jr. standing at the top of the ramp. With a handful of Treats’ lime green mane Pariah stands up; continuing.
John Pariah: “It’s fitting-because that's all you are Treats…a worthless, low life, con artist clown. While I may not represent it the way I used to…”
Pariah steps over Treats’ right leg; then places all of his weight on Treats back.
John Pariah: “Jason Richards is my brother in bulletSCARS, and you don’t deserve his respect. You don’t deserve MY respect, you don’t deserve anyone’s respect..
Pariah roughly snatches the clown’s left wrist.
John Pariah: “I’m better than you Treats…so much better than you. You want me to prove that? Well kid, you know where to find me…”
Pariah smirks; dropping the mic. Pariah nonchalantly pulls back on Treats left arm; looking to lock in the Gates of Gotham. Security rushes the ring; just as he’s about to lock in his version of the Stretch Plum.
Crowbar: “Well, that’s my cue. I’m surprised I wasn’t booted before the match was over.”
Crowbar takes off his headset and turns around, jumping back into the crowd and disappearing as quickly as he appeared.
Vaughn Ronie Jr. is backstage pacing back and forth frantically biting his thumbnail, talking to himself.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “…grandma’s going to kill me.”
The youngest nephew of Dylan Daniels runs his fingers through his head nervously.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “…then mom’s going to find a necromancer so she can kill me again.”
The younger brother of Mr. Rottentreats pats his head roughly.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “...this building is just bad luck for us.”
VRJ pauses when he notices a camera out of the corner of his eye.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “How long have you been standing there?”
The frustrated Ronie brother throws his hands in the air.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “It doesn’t matter. Make yourself useful! Find out who the hell cleared John Pariah’s entry to my show!!”
Ronie stops the camera man before he can move.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “…while I have you.”
The scowl disappears from VRJ’s face.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “I sincerely hope you’re enjoying the festivities! We here at Ronie’s Rasslin’ Services truly do appreciate your patronage.”
The owner of Ronie’s Rasslin’ Services hesitates.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “…And A Violent New Year is living up to its name, right?”
The young promoter retrieves a rolled up Patrick Kay versus Johnny Raike show poster from inside his vest. He unrolls it with a look of concern.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “This wasn’t supposed to happen. I mean, Treats really has an eye for talent. I guess that’s the advantage of having two.
A toothy grin appears across the promoters face.
Vaughn Ronie Jr.: “At the stroke of midnight, not only will you see a return match from last year, but a return match type as well! Kay versus Raike Two will take place in a Clockwork Orange House of Fun match; known around the RRS offices as the Ronie Family Funhouse Match! Twice makes it a tradition, right?”
Patrick Kay is shown at a porch stoop of a Church in New York City. The sun is setting on this New Years Eve. Patrick has taken a bit of a Taxi down the road to get his mind settled. He opens the door and steps inside the church. It’s completely empty, so every word he says echoes. He has a seat in the front row on a bench to look up at the stage, and the large cross and Jesus ahead of him, and nobody else.
Patrick Kay: “Tonight is the night. HoliCrazeHellTOURnament. Night Three. A Violent New Year - with your old pal Patrick Kay versus Johnny Raike? Clockwork Orange House of Fun match? Bro, this has the makings to be the best New Year's Rockin’ Eve in his store re - because when the True 10’s battle it out in the main event of this historic tournament, in what may very well be my final match, you know that those fans are going to get 110% of what Johnny and I have to give. There's no half-assing when we go out to that ring – separate, together, or against each other, and tonight I'm going to make Vaughn Ronie Jr, Joey Matthew, Crowbar, Jason Richards and everybody else super happy because they watched me go right by them all the way to the tippy top of the miggy mountain. And when it's all said and done I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I came, I saw, and I conquered.. with no fear.. no motherfucking limits.. just pure pain and punishment for my opponents.”
Having said those words inside a church, Patrick grins and rolls his eyes. Does he care? It’s hard to tell. Is he sincere? Who knows…
Patrick Kay: “And know that if this is my final ride, I’m not going out without a fight. If I die tonight, play my words back again, and maybe you’ll figure it all out. RIP 2 my youth. You can call this the funeral. I’m just tellin’ the truth. You can play this at my funeral…”
PKA cups his hands in prayer and lowers his head as the scene fades to black.
The handheld camera shows an inside shot of the cage by circling ringside. The Jib Camera pans the cage from a higher angle showing that there’s plenty of room to fight outside the ring, but remain in the cage. The Hard camera focuses on the largh sphere above the ring filled with random objects.
Tony D: “Tony D here and I’ve been moved to a safer location ladies and Gen…”
?????: “…ladies? It’s a sausage fest in here, Tony D!”
Tony D: “In case you don’t recog..”
?????: “Are you ribbing me, Tony D?! Of course they recognize my voice! I’m one half of the greatest commentary duo in professional wrestling, sports entertainment, puroresu, lucha libre, illegal pit fighting, and mma!”
Tony D: “Filling in for an incapacitated Mr. Rottentreats. My long-time colleague, Kris Red.”
Kris Red: “That’s right, folks! The better half of Kris Red & Tony D is back! As far as Mr. Rottentreats is concerned. I know we’ve had our ups and downs, but get well soon. BOZO! Speaking of clowns, what’s the word on Dylan Daniels?”
Tony D: “As far as I know it’s not a broken neck.”
Kris Red: “…that’s a damn shame. Wrestling could use less of people like him.”
Tony D: “That’s uncalled for.”
Kris Red: “You’re not one of them, are you? That D in Tony D…”
Tony D: “Will you knock it off?”
"R.I.P. 2 My Youth" by The Neighbourhood hits the PA. The arena goes dark and the spotlight shines on the entrance stage. The opening dramatic intro of the song plays as fans watch the entrance. The drums kick in, and the "R.I.P. 2 My Youth" lyrics kicks in, and from behind the curtain into the spotlight emerges Patrick Kay. The crowd erupts with a dueling “GRADE A - PATRICK KAY!” chants.
Tony D: “Listen to that ovation for the Ultraviolent Perfectionist, Kris!”
Kris Red: “I’ll give him credit where credit is due. He’s not walking around in public in his bathrobe like most self-proclaimed functioning alcoholics I know.”
The ultraviolent emo holds his arms out in a crucifix as he poses on the stage in his black jeans, white t-shirt and black leather jacket. He brings his arms up in the air, fists touching, before dropping them to his side and continuing down the ramp.
Tony D: “This is only the second ever meeting of Patrick Kay and Johnny Raike in one on singles action, Kris.”
Kris Red: “That’s what you th-OH, you mean in the ring!”
Tony D: “Would you stop?”
Patrick Kay looks confident, driven, and happy as he passes through the cage door; inspecting his surroundings. Kay then climbs up onto the turnbuckle, and holds both arms out in a crucifix. He surveys the crowd with a look of excitement on his face, before hopping into the ring from the turnbuckle. He takes off his leather jacket and shirt, and hands it over to the referee who takes it to ringside, and he then leans up against the corner, ready to go, as the song fades.
Tony D: “Patrick Kay seems to be extremely focused tonight, Kris.”
Kris Red: “He’s probably just thinking about how much liquor two-hundred grand will buy him.”
As the singing starts for Pure Morning Johnny emerges from behind the curtain, sauntering, lost in the music, and often running his hands sensually over his own chest.
Tony D: “Johnny Raike just can’t get enough of himself.”
The crowd seems to be split on how they feel about Johnny Raike.
Kris Red: “These fans don’t know what the hell they want. Take it away, Art!”
Johnny excitedly enters the cage. Art Burns steps to the center of the ring.
Art Burns: “The following contest is scheduled for one fall! It is the Main Event and Final Matchup of the Second Annual HoliCraze Hell Tournament, to be contested inside the Ronie Family Funhouse! In just a few moments the ball hanging above the center of the ring will lower as we count down to the New Year! I’ve been informed the contents of this ball are completely legal!”
A Jib Camera shot of the ball hanging above the cage shows a flesh colored inflatable object sticking out of the ball.
Tony D: “Is that a…”
Kris Red: “blow-up doll! Patrick Kay is in trouble now! That thing is probably looking for revenge!”
Art Burns: “Introducing first! He hails from Wichita, Kansas! Standing at five feet, nine inches; he weighed in this morning at One-Hundred Ninety-Eight pounds!”
Patrick Kay steps to the center of the ring.
Art Burns: “He is The ULTRAVIOLENT PERFECTIONIST! GRADE A, PAAAATRIIIIICK KAAAAY!!”
The crowd erupts.
Art Burns: “And his opponent! From Queens, New York!”
Johnny Raike steps out of his corner.
Art Burns: “Weighing in at One-Hundred Ninety-Three pounds and standing Six-Feet One Inch! The Inaugural HoliCraze Hell TOURnament Champion! The Thigh High Thriller! JOOHNNYYYY RAAAAAIIKE!!”
The two HCHT finalists exchange an extra friendly show of sportsmanship. A giant countdown appears on RonieVision and everyone in the building counts down with it. The ball begins to lower when the countdown reaches 10.